Dressed to kill (foes)

FACEOFF

Should The Ravens' Couches Wear Lavender Jackets

December 09, 2008|By KEVIN VAN VALKENBURG

Not only am I openly embracing the fact that Ravens coach John Harbaugh has decided to wear a lavender coat on the sideline, but I also want him to look even less macho next week when his team takes on the Pittsburgh Steelers. Seriously. I won't even object if he dresses up like a police officer from the Village People and sips white wine out of a Gatorade bottle. You know why?

Because being the baddest dude on the block is all about attitude and results, not aesthetics.

That's why one of my favorite Johnny Cash songs is "A Boy Named Sue." Go ahead and make fun of my lavender coat, Harbaugh seems to be saying. I've got gravel in my guts and spit in my eye. And when you do try to mock me, someone from my team will bust a chair over your head and spike the ball off your face as he laughs and dances on the way to the end zone.

Andy Reid looks like he inhales hoagies and should be running the UAW Local 420 in Philadelphia. Harbaugh looks like he goes to a stylist and eats sushi. Guess whose team looked tougher two weeks ago?

Anyone who starts a rookie quarterback from Delaware, and wins with him, can wear whatever he wants. Lavender isn't for girls. Lavender is for dudes so freakin' tough (or crazy) that they just don't give a bleep. They're so secure in their own manliness, they can wear a jacket that looks like it was designed by Christian Siriano from Project Runway and still guide a team to a Beltway beat down.

Now get me Tim Gunn on the phone. I want someone to design a fuchsia cashmere scarf that Harbaugh can wear for the playoffs.

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