Hang on, it's almost over

One more day and it'll be over.

One more day and the Campaign That Never Ends finally ends.

Think how different life will be after tomorrow's election.

No more campaign commercials to get you all worked up.

No more 24-hour coverage of Barack Obama and John McCain speechifying in front of the adoring wives and frenzied supporters to drive you nuts.

No more Gallup polls, Nielsen polls, New York Times/CBS News polls and every other poll every 5 minutes.

No more Joe the Plumber.

OK, that likely won't happen. Joe the Plumber is too big to fade away after the election. They chant the guy's name at rallies and mob him for autographs like he's Bruce Willis. Plus he's hired a PR firm to help him land a book deal and find other ways to cash in on his newfound celebrity.

You watch, soon the guy will be doing commercials for Home Depot and Geico.

Look, that little lizard's act is getting old. I could definitely see Joe the Plumber getting that Geico gig. Remember, you read it here first.

Here's another thing we won't be hearing about after tomorrow's election: Tina Fey's career.

OK, that's probably not true, either. She's the hottest thing in show biz right now. People are actually watching 30 Rock again. But once the election's over, Fey says she won't be doing any more of her wildly popular Sarah Palin impersonations on Saturday Night Live.

But you shouldn't believe that, either. Trust me, if the McCain-Palin ticket wins, Fey will be back playing "Sarah of the Tundra" on SNL.

They'll make her an offer she can't refuse. Lorne Michaels will personally back a Wells Fargo truck up to her door and let her cart off as much cash as she wants.

Thankfully, we won't have to hear about undecided voters after tomorrow, either.

(Note to any undecided voters actually reading this: Uh, folks, don't mean to rush you. I know the campaign's only been going on for two freaking years.)

Finally, all the endless back-and-forth about slots will be over after tomorrow, too. I fear they're coming to Maryland, and if people want to bore themselves to death playing them, that's OK by me.

If you think building five garish slots emporiums with bad food and watered-down drinks so problem gamblers can blow their mortgage money is a good thing, by all means vote yes on Question 2.

Yet now that this interminable presidential campaign is almost over, here's what I want to know more than anything else: How did Obama and McCain do it?