(Good luck with that. In the last days of a campaign, candidates are practically hit with cattle prods if they veer off-message.)
Are you waiting for a sign from above?
If you looked in the mirror one morning and found "Obama" or "McCain" etched in blood on your forehead, would that do it?
If you spilled coffee on the floor and it pooled into a shape that vaguely resembled the silhouette of one of the candidates, would that do it?
Or do you need a personal sit-down with each candidate to go over their position papers?
(Believe me, when they come screaming up to your house in a convoy of Chevy Tahoes with tinted glass, and 15 Secret Service agents take over your house while you and the missus serve tea and grill the candidate at the kitchen table, you'll be sorry.
(Plus, think of how much that'll tie up traffic. Your neighbors will hate you.)
Let me leave you with something that was on The Daily Show not long ago.
I don't bring this up to be cruel. But ... OK, actually it was cruel.
But it was pretty funny too.
Jon Stewart had the show's "senior polling analyst," John Oliver, answer the question: Exactly who are these undecided voters we keep hearing about?
Oliver broke out a pie chart. It showed undecided voters broken into four segments: racist Democrats, attention-seekers, the chronically insecure and the stupid.
The stupid, he said, represented 45 percent of the undecided voting bloc.
No, I am not calling you stupid.
Nor am I saying you fit any of those other categories.
I'm just saying it's time for you to get on the stick and make up your mind.
Have you looked at a calendar recently? Nov. 4 is almost here.
And this is no time for eenie-meenie-minie-moe decisions.
Even though, yes, that can be an awful lot of fun to play.
