Listen up, Jessica! This is the other third of your brain talking.
Don't wear that stupid pink Romo jersey again? Look at how good Tony played the other night when you wore a blue jersey and watched the game at home, flipping back and forth between Rock of Love reruns. He was amazing! That pink jersey is cursed, though. I swear!
Remember that game last December in Dallas, when Tony went 13-for-36 with three interceptions in a loss to the Eagles? You were there with the jersey.
It's like that ring in the movie where Elijah Wood plays a midget with big hairy feet, and he goes on a quest with a lizard. I can't remember the movie's name, but it should have been called Bored of the Ring. 'Cause that's what I was like 20 minutes into a nine-hour movie.
Jessie, sometimes you can be as stubborn as Nick Lachey's attorney when we told him we were entitled to half Nick's last name in our divorce. Nothing good can come from wearing that pink jersey, even if it does look good with hair extensions and show off our lovely lady lumps. These Cowboy fans are crazy! There is a reason Drew Bledsoe grew a beard and went into witness protection. At least that's what Jason Witten's mom told my mom.
Plus, Jerry Jones told my daddy that when the pink jersey ends up in the trash, he won't allow any John Mayer songs in the locker room or in Texas Stadium. That sounds fabulous, because I swear some of the songs on Continuum are about dating someone dumber than you.
Be strong and true, and stick with blue!
This parody of Jessica Simpson was written by Baltimore Sun reporter Kevin Van Valkenburg while trying to decide whether he should download her old "pop" songs or her new country songs.
