Solution III: City Council repeals height restrictions on new and old Ocean City condominiums and hotels. If the ocean rises, just build taller buildings, on stilts. That's a no-brainer.
Problem: The O'Governor and Lieutenant Governor have spent more than $172,000 since taking office only last year on trips around the country, and to Ireland and China. This at a time of increased taxes and program cuts to offset state budget shortfalls.
Solution I: Put these guys on home detention.
Solution II: All future travel pre-approved by Comptroller Peter Franchot.
Solution III: Next time the lieutenant governor wants Chinese food, send a trooper to Panda Express in the Annapolis Mall.
Problem: The price of gasoline is closing in on $4 a gallon as crude oil soars to a new record. Some people who drive SUVs and trucks are looking at $100 for a fill-up.
Solution I: Don't fill up. You won't feel so bad.
Solution II: Consider car-pooling with others in your workplace, or try another mode of transportation. During rush hour Friday morning, I saw a young woman in a sensible black business suit skateboarding to work in downtown Baltimore. Skateboard was hot pink, too.
Solution III: Choose a vacation closer to home this summer. Rediscover Glen Burnie. Pull up a chair and watch the traffic at the Towson roundabout.
Problem: Millions of American taxpayers may not get their economic stimulus rebates by direct deposit and will have to wait for a paper check by mail. That could delay the arrival until as late as July 11.
Solution: Relax. It's a blessing in disguise. The delay gives you more time to shop and compare prices for the giant, imported flat-screen TV you're planning to buy.
Problem: Mount Hebron High School in Howard County has a rodent issue - or so the students think. They haven't really found a rodent recently in the school, though students in a food and nutrition class think they saw a large one - possibly a deer mouse - scamper across a classroom and hide under a heater.
Solution: Get a boa constrictor.
Problem: Maryland racing is hurting. Laurel Park continued to lose money last year, and attendance and handle at the Preakness hit a five-year low. Pimlico counts on a big Preakness to show a profit for the year. Slot machine revenue is a proposed remedy to all this. Some other ideas:
Solution I: Stop charging people to park and to pay admission at the tracks.
Solution II: Have racing when more people can attend - at night.
Solution III: More promotional events for people under 65. Have Danica Patrick ride a horse. Have a Hannah Montana Day. Have some pony races on the turf, with a big infield party for kids 12 and under.
Problem: Scientists have found Chinese mitten crabs mating and producing eggs in the Chesapeake and Delaware bays. These yucky, hairy-clawed invaders burrow and cause erosion and they clog water pipes and fight for food with native species.
Solution I: Pay a dollar for every mitten crab harvested and killed by watermen and recreational crabbers.
Solution II: Harvest them and send them back to Shanghai, where they are considered a delicacy, and that ought to take care of the trade imbalance.
Solution III: Unleash the snakehead!
dan.rodricks@baltsun.com
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