Ms. Mayor: Since the governments of the state and city have made it virtually illegal for me to protect myself, then the city has implicitly promised me protection 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. I can't carry a gun that shoots bullets to protect myself. I think I'd be on shaky legal ground if I even toted a water gun or a peashooter.
Knives are out. So are pepper spray and stun guns. With all these restrictions, the only option I have against budding criminals like the ones I've described is to go up against them - and whatever weapons they choose to wield illegally - with my bare hands. Ms. Mayor, I urge you to look carefully at the photo that accompanies this column.
Does it bear any resemblance to Muhammad Ali? Joe Frazier? George Foreman? I thought not.
That photo is indeed of one Greg Kane, who's been renowned for being pugilistically challenged since he popped out of the womb. I need a leg up when defending myself; city law won't allow me one. So, Ms. Mayor, you give me one. You have a moral obligation to assign a police officer to guard me 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.
You say you can't to that, Ms. Mayor?
Then Governor, the ball's back in your court. You're going to have to persuade the legislature to give me that right to carry. You can pull this off. You seem to have that Dr. Mabuse-like effect on Democrats in the state legislature, much like the one you have on the minds of Baltimore's citizens.
Come on, Governor. Work that magic. Go do that voodoo that you do so well.
Does this ball go back in Ms. Mayor's court? Ms. Mayor, if you can't protect me, then at the very least you have to order police Commissioner Fred Bealefeld to do something to put the kibosh on these dirt bike-riding scofflaws. Because I guarantee you: I'm not armed, but somebody these idiots roll up on will be.
And they might not be the kindhearted, caring, lovable soul that I am.
greg.kane@baltsun.com
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