Our zoo needs money so it can remain accredited by some snooty zoological society types, so here's an idea: Sell the naming rights to the new baby elephant. We could end up with something like Comcast the Elephant at the Maryland Zoo in Baltimore. I realize that twists the tongue, but we could be talking hundreds of thousands to keep the lights on and the lions fed.
Or maybe this would work:
The Constellation Energy Elephant at the Maryland Zoo - $1 million in utility rebates over the next 10 years and the state forgets all questions about the 1999 deregulation deal. Mrs. Shattuck gets to ride the elephant in her Ravens cheerleader outfit during Zoomerang, but that's a small concession in the interests of keeping the 132-year-old zoo open to the public.
If you don't like these ideas - too corporate, too icky - then we go the solid, old-fashioned route that apparently hasn't occurred to anyone at the zoo yet: Let the kids name the baby elephant - and charge them a buck per entry.
(Pardon me while I have an interlude. In 1920, an estimated 100,000 Maryland schoolchildren donated their pennies to bring the first elephant to the Baltimore Zoo. The kids' crusade prevailed, and a citywide contest resulted in the first elephant being named Mary Ann. Now, back to today's column, still in progress ... )
I went to the zoo on Friday, paid $11 admission and couldn't see the baby elephant. He was indoors.
They had a nice picture of him on the deck overlooking the elephant compound, but apparently the baby wasn't ready for public display.
Proboscidean pediatricians know better than I. If the calf wasn't ready, he wasn't ready.
But he's certainly ready for a name. He was born nearly two weeks ago, after his mother's 22-month pregnancy, and the zoo still hasn't announced a name-the-baby effort, a public relations no-brainer if there ever was one.
(Pardon me while I have another interlude: I don't like the phrase "no-brainer" and don't use it much because, to the best of my knowledge, the brain is needed for everything, including the "paper or plastic" question, and, in my experience, the people who use this phrase most frequently tend to be in management and not particularly good at it.)
That the zoo has not done more with the baby elephant, the first born up on Druid Hill, indicates a lack of either marketing sophistication or staff experience, and if the Maryland Zoo in Baltimore is to not only survive but thrive, it will need both.
