News item: Cyclist Floyd Landis failed in his attempt to reverse a positive doping result and has been stripped of his Tour de France victory. He reportedly spent $2 million to wage his defense.
My take: Let's review. Landis won the Tour de France, but has to give back the title. His lawyers lost the case, but get to keep $2 million. Conclusion: Next time, ride your bike to law school.
News item: Steve McNair is set to return as starting quarterback when the Ravens play the Arizona Cardinals today at M&T Bank Stadium.
My take: I hope fans cut the guy some slack. Never thought I'd be saying this, but Kyle Boller is going to be a tough act to follow.
News item: The Philadelphia Phillies are sizzling in September.
My take: This might be the best evidence yet of global warming.
News item: The NFL officially closed its spying case against Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots, saying that the team has turned over all relevant materials. No further disciplinary action will be taken.
My take: The NFL essentially is taking the Patriots at their word that they have surrendered all evidence of wrongdoing, which makes perfect sense. I mean, why would they lie?
News item: Six major professional golf organizations have agreed to institute a global anti-doping policy.
My take: You mean there's a drug out there that'll help me hit the ball 100 yards farther into the woods?
News item: Federal agents last week raided a home in New Jersey and seized more than 40,000 doses of illegal anabolic steroids from a basement "factory."
My take: Since no hGH was found, the homeowner was charged with being about two years out of date.
News item: O.J. Simpson is back home in Florida after being released on bail. He still faces felony charges related to an alleged armed memorabilia theft at a Las Vegas hotel.
My take: No doubt, he's already out on the golf course looking for the real armed robbers.
News item: Barry Bonds calls the man who bought his 756th home run ball "an idiot" for letting fans vote on what should be done with it.
My take: The guy spent more than $700,000 for the ball so he could deface it or give it away. I'm going to have to go with Barry on this one.
Related news item: The Giants announced they will not bring Bonds back for a 16th season in San Francisco, but Bonds insists he will play somewhere in 2008.
My take: Why not here? Think of the depth the Orioles would have at designated hitter.
News item: The University of Colorado has banned beer sales in the stands during basketball games. The punch line: The Buffaloes play at Coors Arena.
My take: This just shows how far out of touch they are in academia. If colleges really wanted to make a statement about out-of-control drinking, they would eliminate freshman year.
News item: In this week's biggest upset in recent memory, 36 1/2 -point underdog Syracuse jumped all over No. 18 Louisville ... at Louisville.
My take: So much for those nasty rumors that they don't play football at Syracuse anymore.
News item: Ball State, which defeated Navy in overtime last week, rolled up 40 points against No. 24 Nebraska and nearly pulled off the latest in a series of huge college football upsets this season.
My take: Guess that speaks well for the Midshipmen, who scored an exciting comeback victory over Duke yesterday, but I might have to revise my outlook on No. 1 Southern California, which seemed invincible scoring 49 against the Huskers last week.
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