Two people who've made great careers out of Baltimore's dark side - best-selling mystery novelist Laura Lippman and Wire creator David Simon - chose a third for their preacher when they tied the knot. The Rev. John Waters presided.
It wasn't the first time that the director, who stars as The Groom Reaper in a Court TV show about marriages gone murderously wrong, has officiated at a wedding.
"I've done it 13 times, and only one couple's been divorced," Waters said.
Pretty good track record, considering that so many marriages end in divorce - and that Waters got into the wedding biz for one that never even happened. While filming his 1990 musical Cry-Baby, Waters was asked to unite Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder.
"Johnny Depp's lawyers had me ordained," a process that involved sending off a small sum - "I think $22" - to the Universal Life Church.
"It's a mail-order church, the kind I believe in," Waters said. "It's not a judgmental religion, I promise you."
The Depp-Ryder union never happened, but "since I have the power, I continue to do it," Waters said. "I've never done a gay wedding, only done straight ones. ... I charge $7, and you have to have exact change, and I record it on my income tax."
But only for really good friends, so if you're not, don't ask.
And don't ask whom Waters has hitched, because he's not telling. Waters declined to confirm his role in the Lippman-Simon nuptials. Lippman also declined to comment.
But I have it on good authority - a Baltimore City marriage license dated Oct. 3 - that the "Pope of Trash" presided.
Irreverent persona aside, Waters said his marriage-making isn't just a joke.
"I took it seriously," he said. "I even counseled the couples."
He has also performed one baptism and at least one exorcism, though he shies away from that term.
"We don't call it that," he said. "I call it advice."
Baltimore ... Maryland ... Bourbon Street?
Apparently I'm not the only one who wants to get William Donald Schaefer a job. Since I wrote about how much the ex-mayor/ex-governor/ex-comptroller hates retirement, I've heard from lots of people who'd like to put him to work.
Sandra Nolen, a former state employee, thinks Schaefer needs a blog.
On? All the things he's an undisputed expert in: running city and state governments, capturing public attention and (until this last one) winning elections.
