Be-leaf in the future

April 27, 2007

To: All Employees

Fm: Your CEO

Re: Exciting new product promises to reduce air and water pollution.

First, let's give a big round of applause to the researchers who came up with today's product launch. They spotted the fledgling market in the U.S. for "carbon offsets" that enable ordinary people to compensate for their personal contributions to global warming by funding carbon reduction projects.

These typically include renewable energy or energy efficiency programs that result in less carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases being pumped into the atmosphere.

After some considerable effort, we've found a way to jump on this particular bandwagon, with a not-so-little thing we're proudly calling the Tireless Recycling and Emissions Extractor - or TREE.

Now, if I understand the science correctly (and hey, I'm an MBA, not a Ph.D.), consumers can buy a TREE and simply place it in the soil. With just a bit of patience and care, the product will eventually generate a whopping $31,250 of oxygen, provide $62,000 in air pollution control, recycle $37,500 worth of water, and control $31,500 worth of soil erosion over a 50-year period. In terms of return on investment, I've got to tell you, that's completely off the charts.

The units are cheap to produce and maintain, long-lasting, totally recyclable (into something we're calling Leftover Organic Generations, or LOGs) and, according to our focus groups, quite beautiful from a purely aesthetic point of view. Really top-notch work, guys.

Incidentally, today is National Arbor Day, and the folks in marketing say we couldn't have picked a better holiday to call attention to our TREE. I think you'll agree with us that with a little investment in advertising and consumer awareness, this thing could really take root and grow.

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