Pondering her second engagement

April 01, 2007|By HARIETTE COLE | HARIETTE COLE,UNITED FEATURES SYNDICATE

DEAR HARRIETTE -- I met a wonderful man whom I've been dating for quite some time, and he just proposed!

I've been floating on air ever since, but now that the planning phase has begun, I am filled with angst.

I was engaged before and went through the whole bridal-shower thing, but ended up breaking off the wedding.

With this new engagement, I'm not sure how I am supposed to do things. Is it appropriate to put my family and friends through another bridal shower?

I don't want to forget about the whole thing because this will be my fiance's first wedding. KATRINA, BROOKLYN, N.Y.

DEAR KATRINA --Sit down with your fiance and share your concerns. He needs to know you feel anxious about the steps leading to marriage, even as you are thrilled to marry him.

Sharing with him that you were previously engaged and what occurred - especially that you did not get married - is important.

Before you announce to your family what your intentions are with this man you love, talk through your worries and fears.

Be sure also to let him know how you feel about him and the prospects of your life together.

As you talk, you may discover you can let past concerns go, because they are no longer relevant. This man is not the man you once thought you would marry!

If you need more support working through this, seek out a counselor who can help you wrestle your demons.

Also, find a premarital counselor to work with you and your fiance to discuss details of how you intend to build a life together.

All of this preparation will help you see if this is the right man and the right moment to commit your life. If you decide the time is now, enjoy the parties. Go for it!

United Feature Syndicate

Send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com

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