A. Robert Kaufman's idea of birthday fun: "pulling a Martin Luther," which is to say, nailing his 24 "electoral theses" on the door of Baltimore City Hall.
Baltimore police's idea of vandalism: nailing anything to the door of City Hall.
Kaufman, who turned 76 yesterday, knew that much. Socialism aside, the mayoral hopeful isn't radical enough to drive a nail into city government's front door (particularly since it's glass).
So after brandishing a hammer for fun, Kaufman reached into his Trader Joe's shopping bag and pulled out a handy-dandy tool unimaginable to your average 16th-century rabble-rouser: duct tape.
Kaufman's theses - among them, a call to give nonviolent prisoners comfy recliners and the right to send out for pizza - were up for all of 10 seconds. Turns out even taping things to the front door of City Hall can get you in trouble with the cops, though not the pope.
"The cop insisted I take it down," Kaufman said. "I said, `You're welcome to have it.' He refused to read it."
At least Kaufman has another newfangled method for posting his views: Myspace. You can read them all at www.myspace.com/arkaufman.
Could you please turn out the lights
While he was outside City Hall, Baltimore's leading (and only) Socialist candidate for mayor pointed out that the big copper lights out front were on in broad daylight.
"I'm dangerous walking around here," Kaufman said. "What the hell else am I going to notice?"
Public Works spokesman Bob Murrow said workers were replacing bulbs and needed to see which ones were burned out.
A pork bill with a humanitarian motive
Yes, yes, Del. Saqib Ali knows the bill entitled "Confinement of Pigs During Pregnancy" sounds like one of those wacky would-be laws that goes nowhere fast in Annapolis. But Ali said HB 1246 isn't as goofy as it sounds.
It would require that pregnant pigs be kept in crates big enough to allow the animals to turn around. Most farmers keep pregnant pigs in very small, individual crates to keep them out of trouble, he said.
"Pigs fight and get into fights, claw each other," he said. "When they're pregnant, they're more prone to losing their babies if they get in fights."
A similar bill failed in 2004 amid opposition from industry concerned about costs, Ali said. He expects better luck this time because Smithfield Foods, the nation's largest pork producer, will phase out the 2-by-7-foot crates and put pigs in pens instead. The bill Ali has co-sponsored would give Maryland farmers 10 years to comply.
