Astronaut's arrest is launchpad for Jokes

February 08, 2007|By from staff reports

NASA? Kidnapping? Diapers?

It's almost too easy.

Some stories - the more twisted and sensational the better - are irresistible to the creators of newspaper headlines and late-night TV monologues. And this week's astronaut love triangle, however tragic, has been a predictable bonanza. But humor, as always, is in the eye of the writer:

Some headlines (from bestfrontdesign.com):

Daily News (New York): "Dark side of the loon"

Beaver County (Pa.) Times: "Astronut?"

The State (Columbia, S.C): "Moonstruck"

The Monitor (McAllen, Texas): "Lust in space"

Fort Worth Star-Telegram: "From the rocket to the docket"

Richmond Times-Dispatch: "Mission out of control?"

The Providence Journal: "Fallen star"

The Oregonian (Portland): "Good heavens"

Jokes

Jay Leno: "She put on a wig, attacked the other woman with pepper spray and a BB gun after driving 900 miles from Houston to Orlando, Fla., in diapers so she wouldn't have to stop to pee. Did you hear about this? She drove 900 miles wearing diapers, thus breaking the old record set by Larry King."

David Letterman: Top 10 Signs An Astronaut Is Trying To Kill You

10. Says, "This is a giant leap for mankind" as she tosses you off a bridge

9. You turn on CNN and see the Hubble Telescope focusing on your house

8. She promises to "Take you out like Pluto"

7. It sounds crazy, but you could swear Mars is following you

6. You were on the "Maury" episode: "I had a booty call and now an astronaut is trying to kill me"

5. Her previous attempt to kill you had been postponed due to high winds

4. She poisons your Tang

3. She says she looks forward to being the first to walk on your lifeless corpse

2. Been getting threatening e-mails from connie@internation alspacestation.com

1. She keeps stabbing you with a pen that writes upside-down

From staff reports

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