What's really being said during those Q & A's

Super Bowl

February 01, 2007|By PETER SCHMUCK

MIAMI -- Being one of the starting quarterbacks in the Super Bowl ought to mean never having to say you're sorry, so why does everybody expect Rex Grossman to apologize for being here?

Not literally, of course. Nobody went up to his podium during Super Bowl media day and told him that he has offended the sensibilities of football fans everywhere and needs to ask forgiveness for not being Bart Starr, Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana all rolled into one perfect Super Bowl quarterback. Nobody had to.

Grossman has become pretty adept at picking up the code over the course of this postseason. He also is a polite young man who knows how to respond in kind, which means you have to read between the lines to figure out just what everyone is really saying.

I'm here to help, with a quick sampling of real questions and answers from this week along with a more literal translation:

Reporter: "Rex, do you view Sunday as an opportunity for redemption?"

Translation: "Rex, you've basically embarrassed yourself, your family and your country with your inconsistent play this year - to the point where a lot of people think that you should be left bound and gagged in the corner of the locker room on Sunday. Your thoughts?"

Grossman: "I think Sunday is a chance to win the world championship and cap off a great season. We're 60 minutes away from having a ring on our fingers for the rest of our lives. That's the most important thing, not redemption or anything else."

Translation: "Yes, absolutely, I really hit bottom with those 15 victories this season. If I had just led the Bears to an undefeated regular season, I might be in the Super Bowl right now."

Reporter: "What would you say to your critics?"

Translation: "If you could get away with it, would you infect us all with typhus?"

Grossman: "I'm not going to talk at this time. I feel like we've got one more game to win before they don't have anything to say."

Translation: "No comment, but if we beat the Colts, I'm going to use my Super Bowl share to hire a team of Nobel scientists to find a cure for stupid questions."

Reporter: "What do you think of all the media at the Super Bowl?"

Translation: "Have you ever seen so many 3XL Hawaiian shirts in one place before?"

Grossman: "It's a big game. It's a huge game, and everyone wants to know the subplots of it and every little detail. That's exciting for us that our sport is so popular that so many people care about it and will read what we say and listen to us."

Translation: "I'd like to infect you all with typhus."

Reporter: "What's the toughest thing about the criticism you've received?"

Translation: "What's it like to know that everybody in the English-speaking world - and a handful of miscellaneous Germans and Poles - think you're going to collapse like the Warsaw Pact on Sunday?

Grossman: "I really don't pay attention to it. I'm there doing it. I'm practicing, watching tape, getting better, working out and being involved. My wife and my parents and my sisters, all they can do is read and listen to what's going on. After a while, it takes a toll on them."

Translation: "My mom thinks I'm cool."

Reporter: "Talk a little bit about Peyton Manning's strengths."

Translation: "Peyton Manning is going to strip you and parade you around Dolphin Stadium on a leash Sunday. Why would you even show up?"

Grossman: "Peyton does a great job of putting his team in the best situation by helping call the plays at the line and the `check with me's.' He's extremely accurate and has great anticipation. When I'm playing my best football, that's what I like to think I'm doing as well."

Translation: "I just hope the dog collar isn't too tight."

Reporter: "Do you feel like the Bears are being disrespected this week?"

Translation: "Don't you agree it would have been a much better Super Bowl if the New Orleans Saints were here?"

Grossman: "I feel like that a little bit, but at the same time, we're one game away from winning a world championship. You're going to have to respect us if we win this game. You don't have any other option."

Translation: "Spare me. The Saints gave up 39 points to us, with me as quarterback, for God's sake. What do you think would have happened against Peyton Manning? Does the scoreboard at Dolphin Stadium have room for three-digit numbers?

Reporter: "Talk about your relationship with Lovie Smith."

Translation: "You have incriminating pictures of Lovie Smith and you're blackmailing him, aren't you?"

Grossman: "I think his confidence in me as a player has helped. I can sense that from him. He brings me into his office and talks to me when I'm not playing well."

Translation: "He's a very trusting guy, and I've got him convinced that Brian Griese still plays for the Denver Broncos."


The Peter Schmuck Show airs on WBAL (1090 AM) at noon on Saturdays.

Baltimore Sun Articles
Please note the green-lined linked article text has been applied commercially without any involvement from our newsroom editors, reporters or any other editorial staff.