The tragedy of military moms

December 15, 2006|By Kathleen Parker

WASHINGTON -- In a world of uncertainty and mayhem, one constant about which we thought we could be reasonably confident has been that mothers would nurture their children.

We have been disabused of that quaint notion in myriad ways, but nowhere so vividly as in today's military. As a spate of recent news stories reveals, the Pentagon has become complicit in helping thousands of mothers abandon and potentially make orphans of their children.

Since 2002, about 16,000 single mothers have served in Afghanistan and Iraq. What kind of country sends mothers of young children, especially single mothers, to war?

We pretend to nobler notions, of course. Single parents aren't supposed to be accepted for enlistment. But there are ways around inconvenient rules. Single parents can sign up as long as they're willing to give up custody to someone else.

Stories about mothers leaving their children for war - in which fathers are almost never mentioned - are heartbreaking and pathetic. Heartbreaking because the children suffer immensely; pathetic because women have been sold a bill of goods.

A recent Washington Post story featured Sgt. Leana Nishimura, a single mom who left her three children for Iraq. Although she returned eight months ago, her oldest - a 9-year-old boy - still suffers separation anxiety and fears from her deployment.

Said Ms. Nishimura: "He went from having one parent to having no parents, basically. People have said, `Thank you so much for your sacrifice.' But it's the children who have had more of a sacrifice."

While children suffer, some military mothers can't offer much help.

Women returning from Iraq are reporting post-traumatic stress disorder in numbers comparable to men, according to the Veterans Affairs department.

Another recent story - this one in The Hartford Courant - told of Daiana Rivera, whose 16-month-old baby boy has to compete for attention with the demons that followed his mother home from Iraq. Ms. Rivera is seeing a therapist weekly but says she'll never recover the time lost with her son as she deals with treatment and detachment.

In a sane world, mothers do not abandon their children and governments understand that the most important line of defense in the struggle for civilization is the family. Thus, it is urgent that we ask why our government is participating in child abandonment and putting mothers at unnecessary risk.

Women volunteer on their own accord, certainly. But many never anticipated being placed in combat situations, which increasingly has been the case in Iraq. By assigning support personnel to or near combat units, the Pentagon effectively has placed women where, by law and sense, they don't belong.

Otherwise, feminism has succeeded in shaping and presenting the military as just another career option. Young "women" barely out of high school - or single mothers looking to support their families - are vigorously recruited with promises of money, travel and benefits.

The military has become the final frontier for radical feminists. Putting women into combat is the Maginot Line of the gender wars, which, once crossed, shatters the military's glass ceiling to the highest promotion levels.

In the distorted logic of feminist gender theorists, getting women killed in combat is viewed as "proof" that they're suitable for combat - a sign of progress rather than a tragedy of political idiocy. But what these trends really prove is that we've lost sight of what matters, not to mention what we fight for. Children need mothers more than wars do, and nations need healthy, well-adjusted children.

If we're willing to sacrifice mothers and abandon the next generation, what sort of civilization, exactly, are we trying to preserve?

Kathleen Parker's syndicated column appears Fridays in The Sun. Her e-mail address is

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