Roch around the clock


The Kickoff

November 09, 2006|By ROCH KUBATKO

Imagine that you're an executive in the Orioles' front office, which makes you a target of every angry fan in Baltimore. Better to keep moving. Stand still and you're a goner.

You've just passed through the automatic doors of the free-agent market, shopping list in hand. Hopefully, you don't end up with one of those carts with the shaky wheel that keeps pulling to the left.

You head straight to the left field aisle, pick out Alfonso Soriano and place him in the cart. But be warned: There will be a price check at the register. You'll hear someone call out "$119 million." And you'll blush and say, "Oh, um, never mind. I'm a little short this week."

At least the clerk is nice enough to return him for you. Saves you that walk of shame.

Now you return to that same aisle, but you don't even bother with Carlos Lee, whose weight gain has sounded a few alarms. We're not buying in bulk here.

Finally, you swallow your pride and begin rummaging through the bargain bin. It's OK. Don't be ashamed. You can get a Moises Alou or a Jay Payton pretty cheap, at least by today's standards. You're not at the Dollar Store, but you can still find a deal or two.

If only this place took coupons.

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