Blog could be a steppingstone

October 01, 2006|By ROB HIAASEN | ROB HIAASEN,SUN REPORTER

For several years, friends have encouraged me to start my own blog. This is, of course, a bald-face lie I dont have any friends but if I did, I know they would encourage me to have a blog.

To narrow my search, I Googled "Blogs" and buddy, there are a lot of blogs out there. Every citizen has a blog, according to the U.S. Census (I did not know that). Most sportswriters have multiple blogs.

As I have also learned, all female sportswriters have "blogettes". I speak for America when I say I hope there comes a day when we dont discriminate between "blogs" and "blogettes." For I see a world of only blogs, but I've always been a dreamer.

Back to my blog. One of my favorite writers is Joel Achenbach at The Washington Post. Given I work for The Sun, Im not supposed to mention a rival newspaper because, well, I'm not sure why.

I suppose readers will suspect my ulterior motive is to immediately become the executive editor of The Post. Trust me, I dont see this happening probably until three, four years out.

Admittedly, I suffer from blog envy. Not only does Achenbach have a blog, he has a cool name for one: Achenblog. After months of analyzing its apparent origin, I suspect he has somehow fused his surname with "blog." It was a masterful stroke, which I feel compelled to emulate as I officially launch my own blog in this space today.

Dear media consumers, welcome to Roblog.

Say it once with me.

Roblog.

Again.

Roblog.

Now, put a little "Funkytown" music to it and sing along.

Why dont you take me to ... funky Roblog ... why dont you take me to ... funky Roblog.

My Roblog is not to be confused with an existing Roblog, which is based in Australia or somewhere (I tried reading it, but I grew weary). I did glean that blogs need to contain "writing" since they appear to be chock full of words. But I should be able to unspool a couple thousand blog entries. I'll be a writing machine! All I have to do is allow my witty and astute observations to gush forth in a levee-supported flood of tornadic writing.

I like the word "tornadic." Some words you just snag from the ether and you get a big ol' crush on them and can't wait to use them. I feel the same way about "kerfuffle." Just dare me to use that in a story. Kerfuffle. Kerfuffle. Kerfuffle.

Back to my blog. I just need something to say. I could talk about my fascinating life, I suppose.

I bought one of those portable air compressors to check the air pressure on my tires in the comfort of my garage. But now I'm expected to always check the tire pressure, and frankly, I dont want that kind of responsibility. I have nothing to add to this story.

I could write about my aging Labradors, but they sleep all the time. Plus, Sally has become cranky in her 12th year. She growled at me yesterday morning. She has never growled at me. When your own dog growls at you, forget Pluto ... Earth no longer feels like a planet I recognize.

Roblog could be a political blog because, let me tell you, I've got stories. Daniel "Wig Man" Vovak, former candidate for U.S. Senate, once shook my hand on Calvert Street. He was wearing his signature Colonial-style wig. I did not shake his wig -- which probably cost him the primary.

Roblog on sports! What about that Ravens defense, eh? I have nothing to add.

Weather Roblog! Sometimes it rains. Just depends on the day.

TV Roblog! Sick & Tired of Law & Order.

And with that, I quit.

Forget weather -- and sports -- and pets -- and planets -- and politics -- and my little compressed world. Although I've come to bask in my blog's name, the truth is I have nothing to say except that I would be a failed blogger. I'm just an old-fashioned newspaper guy who has a magical way with such words as "kerfuffle" and "tornadic." But, in the end, what good do those words do?

No, there's only one thing I can be now.

Executive editor.

Say it once with me.

rob.hiaasen@baltsun.com

To listen to podcasts of Real Life essays, go to baltimoresun.com/ reallife.

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