Sweatin' to the classics

July 25, 2006|By MARK CLOUD

A heat wave is the kids going to bed sweaty because you let them chase after fireflies in their underwear.

A heat wave is sleeping on top of the sheets and under the fan.

A heat wave is getting your morning caffeine fix from iced coffee.

A heat wave is feeling like a wuss because you drank iced coffee.

A heat wave is sweating even though the air conditioner is on high, because the sun is glaring in on your side of the car.

A heat wave is some cheesy DJ playing "The Heat Is On" by Glenn Frey.

A heat wave is changing the station only to find some other cheesy DJ playing "Heat Wave" by Martha & The Vandellas.

A heat wave is hitting rock-bottom by hearing "Hot Child in the City" by Nick Gilder twice on your drive to work.

A heat wave is sitting in your car in the parking lot with all the air conditioner vents pointed at you so your sweaty shirt can dry off before you go into the office.

A heat wave is getting fogged-up glasses the instant you step outside from your air-conditioned building.

A heat wave is no pantyhose.

A heat wave is some guy who should never be seen on a public sidewalk without a shirt being seen on a public sidewalk without a shirt.

A heat wave is slow motion.

A heat wave is finding heaven in a dark bar and an ice cold beer.

A heat wave is somebody saying, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."

A heat wave is Democrats blaming Republicans for global warming.

A heat wave is Republicans citing a heat wave from the 1739 edition of Poor Richard's Almanac as proof that global warming is a myth.

A heat wave is 86 degrees feeling like a cold front.

A heat wave is 80-degree pool water not feeling cool enough.

A heat wave is getting out of the pool and scampering across the cement on your tiptoes to get to the shade.

A heat wave is never walking barefoot on the sand.

A heat wave is ice cream dripping on your hand no matter how fast you lick.

A heat wave is watching the game on TV instead of going to it.

A heat wave is going to a movie for the air conditioning.

A heat wave is setting the thermostat at 77 but the temperature inside the house never getting below 81.

A heat wave is firing up the grill because there's no way you're turning the oven on in here.

A heat wave is ordering pizza because there's no way you're grilling out there.

A heat wave is the dog turning back for home before you've walked him even halfway around the block.

A heat wave is the dog's tongue flopping out the side of his mouth.

A heat wave is even the grown-ups having purple tongues from eating Popsicles for dessert.

A heat wave is your 5-year-old asking if it's so hot tonight because of all the fireflies.

Mark Cloud is an attorney who lives in Atlanta. His e-mail is mvcloud@yahoo.com.

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