Cautious optimism is alive and well in the world of online dating.
Just ask Judy Lederman. In September, the public relations executive from New Rochelle, N.Y., met the perfect man on JDate.com: He was an Orthodox Jew, director of a nonprofit group, simply gorgeous and nice. Sparks flew. They shared dinners, long walks in the park and endless conversation into the wee hours of the night.
Lederman, who is fortysomething, was happily introducing her online find to friends and neighbors as "my new boyfriend" for about two delightful months -- until his wife popped up, wanting to meet the woman who was trying to break up her marriage.
"It was so humiliating," says Lederman, who is divorced and has been dating online for about a year. "He told me he was separated for a year and in mediation to get a divorce. That hurt. It took me awhile to get over that. ... But now, I'm back out there online. There's a part of me that keeps saying that I've got to get it right, eventually."
Perhaps it's faith. Maybe it's misguided hopefulness. Or could it be an unfailing belief in the power of love? Whatever the reason, a new national survey of online dating habits shows that despite widespread concerns about safety and fears about rampant deception, millions of Americans like Lederman take to the World Wide Web every day searching for a connection online.
Released last week by the Pew Internet & American Life Project, a nonprofit research organization that studies the social impact of the Internet, the survey found that 7 percent of the online adult population, or 10 million people, describe themselves as single and looking for a partner. Roughly 3 million people say they have entered long-term relationships or married someone they met through the services.
Many of the people surveyed say they've had mostly positive experiences with online dating, but a surprising 66 percent agreed online dating is dangerous because it puts personal information online.
Furthermore, 57 percent believe a lot of people who use online dating sites lie about their marital status, according to the survey. Pew based its findings on telephone interviews with 3,215 adults across the nation last fall.
"There are very interesting conundrums in our findings," says Amanda Lenhart, senior research specialist for Pew's online dating survey. "The whole essence of online dating is sharing personal information so you can decide whether you want to meet them and date them, but more than half believe it's a risky practice where you encounter a lot of liars.
