You can't afford not to drive the all-new Miser

August 29, 2005|By KEVIN COWHERD

OK, AMERICA, we hear you loud and clear!

You're sick and tired of paying through the nose at the gas pumps. With the price of regular unleaded headed to $3 a gallon and up, you feel as if gas-station owners are wearing a ski mask and waving a gun in your face each time you pull in.

Message received!

Introducing the all-new Toyota Miser, with a peppy 2-cylinder, 5-horsepower tin-alloy engine that gets a whopping 80 miles per gallon!

Yes, 80 mpg!

How did we do it?

Well, that's our business!

Your job is to get down to your local Toyota dealer right now and test-drive the all-new Miser and see what the fuss is all about!

OK, fine, we didn't mean to snap at you back there.

Of course we'll let you in on the secret of the Miser's fuel economy!

Are you ready? The Miser is the first hybrid that runs on gasoline and vegetable oil, mainly Mazola.

So when you're idling at a stoplight, the engine switches effortlessly from running on gas to running on cooking oil low in saturated fats that's cholesterol-free!

Oh, sure, the Miser's got all the other features you've come to expect in an automobile.

It's got tires and seats and a roof and all that stuff.

And it's got two cup-holders in the front.

But the Miser isn't hung up on all the bells and whistles.

Our mission in designing this cozy two-seater with the plexiglass shell is simply to give you the best darn gas mileage of any car on the road!

And in an age of economic uncertainty, with everything from terrorism to hurricanes to Pat Robertson's goofy pronouncements affecting gas prices, isn't it comforting to know your new Miser gets up to 90 miles per gallon of fuel?

Uh-oh, did we say the Miser got 80 mpg earlier?

Well, that was a typo! It's really 90 mpg!

Yes, 90 mpg!

That means you could drive the Miser from, say, Maine to Florida without once stopping for gas! Unless you needed to use the restrooms!

You'll go weeks and weeks between fill-ups -- so long you might even forget what gas stations look like!

When you finally do fill up again, you'll have to learn how to work the pump all over again!

So get yourself behind the wheel of the all-new Miser, the 2005 Motor Trend Mazola-Burning Car of the Year.

OK, America, we here at Toyota are not naive.

We know you still have questions about the all-new Miser.

Maybe you're thinking: Gee, a tiny, 2-cylinder plexiglass car that gets terrific gas mileage --does it have any pickup?

Can it cruise along the highways at a decent speed?

Sure it can -- as long as you're not one of those nuts who has to be doing 55 mph all the time.

Besides, what's your hurry?

Slow down and smell the roses, my friend.

Sure, it might take you a little longer to get where you're going in the all-new Miser!

Instead of a four-hour trip from Baltimore to New York, it might take you, oh, nine hours.

But think of all the money you'll save on gas -- money that can be used for fancy hotel rooms, premium tickets to Broadway shows, dining at fine restaurants and all the other things you deserve!

So isn't it time you checked out the all-new Miser?

Think about it: a car that gets 100 miles per gallon!

No, that's not a typo!

In the time it took to create this ad, our Toyota technicians have further perfected the Miser's 8-valve, tin-cast engine, tweaking it so it burns an even purer form of Mazola that gives you, the consumer, an added 10 mpg of fuel efficiency.

Which means that if they ever, say, build a bridge across the Atlantic Ocean, you could drive from New York to Paris on a single tank of gas!

Then you could drive from Paris to Beijing on just one more tank of gas!

And if they ever built a bridge across the Pacific, you could gas up again and drive from Beijing to ... well, you get the idea!

So come in and test-drive the all-new Toyota Miser.

The possibilities are endless.

The future is now.

Ask about our special financing and Vehicle Protection packages.

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