Dear Harriette: A friend of mine is getting married in a little over a week, and at first I thought I wouldn't be able to come.
I let her know right away so that she would have room to invite other people.
Well, now my plans have changed and I can make it to her wedding after all. But the RSVP deadline has long passed.
Would it be rude of me to call and say I can come at this late date?
-- Walter, Cincinnati
Walter: Have you been talking to your friend? Do you have any idea how the wedding plans are going?
I ask because it could be that it would be no problem for your friends to honor your invitation at this hour if they have room.
Chances are, though, that they have given the caterer a count already. It's due a week before the wedding. Plus, weddings are so expensive, even though you represent one additional person, your late acceptance could tip the scales.
On the other hand, if many people have either not RSVPed or have canceled at the last minute, your presence could be welcome. Or your friend may just be so happy that you can make it that she will want to make a way.
If you really want to go, call your friend and explain that you may be available after all if it's not an inconvenience for you to attend.
If you hear even the slightest hesitation, bow out immediately. You can do this either by saying that you are happy to come to the ceremony only -- which usually does not mean an additional cost -- or by asking for an address to send them a gift and suggesting that you get together after their honeymoon to hear all about it.
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