FORMER major league pitcher Tom House claims he was a human medicine chest during his playing career, which can mean only one thing.
He's going to have a hard time getting into the Hall of Fame.
House is also going to have a hard time getting anyone to believe him, though he was once considered something of a pioneer in the area of pitching mechanics and conditioning.
It was House who popularized the idea of having pitchers throw a football to perfect their motion, but the notion that he would have had access to human growth hormone (HGH) while he was a minor league pitcher in the 1960s stretches the imagination.
Scientists were extracting growth hormone from cadavers as early as the 1950s to help children overcome serious growth problems, but the substance was not widely available and it wasn't manufactured in synthetic form until the 1980s.
There were other steroids that were more readily available in the '60s and '70s, but House's claims have brought strong denials and condemnation from players of the era.
"Is he writing a book or something?" said former Orioles reliever Tippy Martinez.
Well, House was the pitching coach of the Texas Rangers when Jose Canseco was traded there during the 1992 season.
Probably, but House does hold a Ph.D in psychology and has written a bunch of books you've never heard of, so it's got to burn him up that a semi-literate bonehead like Canseco made big bucks outing baseball's steroid generation with his recent bestseller.
Miguel Tejada ran through Tom Trebelhorn's stop sign at third base yesterday to score the go-ahead run in another uplifting Orioles victory, which left me a little conflicted.
It wasn't the right fundamental play, but nothing was going to stand in the way of Tejada ending the Orioles' brief losing streak. Who's going to argue with that?
Lakers owner Jerry Buss held a rare news conference last night to address the heavy media criticism he has received for the Shaquille O'Neal trade and the ensuing collapse of the Lakers dynasty.
Not sure what he could have said that would ease the sting of the Lakers' unusual absence from the playoffs, but speculation persists that he will soon reunite Phil Jackson with tarnished superstar Kobe Bryant.
Can't confirm that rumor. I heard it from the same NBA official who has been talking to Jeff Van Gundy.
Of course, the Lakers' loss could be our gain, since Shaq will be coming to Washington in a week or so if the Wizards can win their first-round playoff series against the Chicago Bulls.
When I heard that a shipment of 47,000 promotional Yankees caps had been hijacked before they could be given away on Friday night at Yankee Stadium, I could only wonder how many of them will turn up at Camden Yards the next time the pinstriped pariahs are in town. I'm guessing about 20,000.
During the buildup for last night's Wizards game, I heard one commentator ask how much the Whizzes would miss Kwame Brown.
The answer: Not as much as they missed him when he was on the court.
In case you were wondering about that flat spot that is forming on the top of Jim Hunter's head, I have only one thing to say. They had better raise the ceiling in the Orioles broadcast booth or tell Tejada to stop hitting dramatic home runs.
Our final thought comes from Jonathan Felmey of Fairfax, Va., who disputes the notion that the Orioles bandwagon is bursting at the seams.
"From the looks of the stands at OPACY [Monday] night," Felmey wrote, "I'd say real estate can still be had in Jimmyville at discount prices."