Money problems have R. Williams looking to cash in on return to NFL

October 07, 2004|By PETER SCHMUCK

PUT YOURSELF in Ricky Williams' shoes. The guy owes the Miami Dolphins $8.6 million and, well, it's not like it's just lying around the house in 2.2-pound cellophane-wrapped blocks.

The Internal Revenue Service already has taken a big chunk off the top, and you gotta believe Ricky slipped a few G's to the Dalai Lama the last time he was hitchhiking through Tibet. He probably invested the rest, but the stock market hasn't exactly been sizzling, so - according to agent Leigh Steinberg - he suddenly has regained his enthusiasm for football.

What a coincidence.

Now, I think Ricky is OK (other than his taste in music) and I would never, ever wish ill upon anyone who isn't stumbling through the parking lot at Lincoln Financial Field in a beer-soaked Eagles jersey, but I was sort of hoping he would file for bankruptcy and start selling off his assets and have ...

The World's Greatest Garage Sale!

I'm guessing his garage is huge, considering he has to fit a couple of cars in there along with the four tons of hippie lettuce and the 8,000 bags of Doritos. Throw in some of his football memorabilia - which will have to be marked down some because of the funny smell - and he may be able to knock off enough of that signing bonus to go on tour with the Dave Matthews Band.

The alternative isn't very attractive. Williams still faces the likelihood of a lengthy marijuana suspension before he would be able to return to the NFL, and I'm guessing whatever new contract he signs will have a vesting option based on the number of games he plays without getting high.

The sports world is going to miss comedian Rodney Dangerfield, who starred in the funniest golf movie ever made (Caddyshack) and was the king of the self-deprecating one-liner.

My favorite: "When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother."

Which leads perfectly into this next item. Jacksonville Jaguars lineman John Henderson needs a little help getting into the proper frame of mind for each game, so he has assistant trainer Joe Sheehan slap him across the face.

And it's not just some glancing Woody Hayes helmet smack. It's a Gen. George S. Patton get-up-and-fight-you-coward shot that seems to put Henderson in just the right mood to bite and scratch his way to the opposing quarterback. Their pre-game routine was featured during Sunday's network coverage.

"It is," teammate Mike Peterson told Sports Illustrated, "the craziest thing I've ever heard of."

Congratulations to Tiger Woods on the occasion of his wedding this past weekend in Barbados.

Tiger has been trying to shake the notion that his relationship with Swedish beauty Elin Nordegren has altered his focus and contributed to his decline in the world golf rankings, but that's ridiculous.

Anyone who has been married for 20 years, nine months and 21 days can tell you that marriage actually improves your focus, because you have an extra person to notice every time you're doing something wrong.

Former Baltimore Stallions running back Mike Pringle recently set the Canadian Football League all-time rushing record (Sept. 18), which would have gotten maximum Page 2 coverage if I had been paying closer attention. Pringle, aside from sharing his surname with one of my favorite snack foods, played college football at the Harvard of the Pacific - my alma mater, Cal State Fullerton.

He's at 16,272 rushing yards and counting, and is the last football player of any note from CSUF, because the school abandoned football soon after he left.

We do, as I have already mentioned on a couple of occasions, still have a pretty good baseball program.

Contact Peter Schmuck at

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