ORIOLES OUTFIELDER Larry Bigbie could become a millionaire without even going to salary arbitration and have his choice of a couple of dozen beautiful women, but he doesn't want to be a reality television star.
He confirmed over the weekend that he'll decline an offer to follow in the cleatsteps of New York Giants quarterback Jesse Palmer and be the next The Bachelor, which proves that he is either a solid, grounded guy who isn't looking for any more time in the limelight, or he's just plain nuts.
Bigbie already has a beautiful girlfriend and he's not exactly starving on his major league salary, so he can afford to pass up the stupid, shallow opportunity of a lifetime. I'm not so lucky.
If the producers of The Bachelor had contacted my agent - and this is predicated on them not knowing that I am married, 49 years old and 248 pounds - I would have jumped at the opportunity to cheapen the sacred institution of marriage by choosing a fiancee on national television.
Apparently, youth really is wasted on the young.
Can't help but feel bad for former NFL running back Ricky Williams, who has been ordered to pay back $8.6 million to the Miami Dolphins after walking away from his contract to pursue other interests - which include traveling around with rock star Lenny Kravitz and smoking a lot of weed.
Giving back $8.6 million could put a serious crimp in his new lifestyle, however, since good hippie lettuce is not cheap, so don't be surprised if Williams decides that being an NFL star is not such a bad gig after all.
The Tampa Bay Devil Rays will close out the season with a rare five-game series next weekend against the Detroit Tigers, who plan to celebrate "Fan Appreciation Day" at Comerica Park on Sunday by giving each fan in attendance a Tampa Bay Devil Ray.
The Navy football team (4-0) is one of 23 undefeated teams left in Division I-A, which is quite an accomplishment when you consider the recruiting challenges faced by coach Paul Johnson and his staff.
USC coach Pete Carroll can tell a kid that if he plays four seasons at Southern Cal, he's got a chance to win a national championship and go to the NFL.
Johnson can tell a kid that if he spends four years at Navy, he's got a chance to play pickup basketball on an aircraft carrier in the Persian Gulf.
That's why this group of players is so special and the team (which won eight games and the Commander in Chief's Trophy last year) should be the darling of college football fans all over America.
News item: Arizona governor Janet Napolitano was among a group of politicians and dignitaries who were roasted Friday night at "Schmuckfest" - a charity event in Tempe, Ariz.
I'm not making this up. The event raised money for Kiwanis youth charities and got a lot of FM radio coverage in the Phoenix area. It was the brainchild of airline pilot Frank Schmuck (no relation), who is working to organize a bigger "Schmuckfest" to benefit American Legion Baseball next spring.
Apparently, there are a number of prominent Schmucks in Arizona. Frank has enlisted the help of former Arizona State University baseball star Roger Schmuck (also no relation) for the spring banquet and also has invited me to take part in the Schmuckfest-ivities. Can't wait.
It's always fun to watch politicians stumble over sports, and both John Kerry and George Bush delivered Page 2 moments earlier this month.
Kerry may have lost some of the Green Bay Packers vote when he referred to their home stadium as Lambert Field, while President Bush was in nearby St. Cloud, Minn., making a speech at Dick Putz Stadium.
That's right, the stadium that houses the St. Cloud Riverbats is named after someone named Dick Putz (definitely no relation).
Final thought: The baseball season is really starting to drag. I went to the "No Scalp Zone" at Camden Yards yesterday and even the Red Sox and Yankees fans were giving away their tickets.
Contact Peter Schmuck at firstname.lastname@example.org.