`Resident Evil' is so bad it's not even funny


September 10, 2004|By Roger Moore | Roger Moore,ORLANDO SENTINEL

So there's these two supermodels in survivalist-dominatrix gear. And one model (Sienna Guillory) says to the other as she checks her pistol: "We're running out of ammo." The other (Milla Jovovich, veteran of these Resident Evil movies) glowers and puckers up. She locks and loads, because the star never runs out of ammo.

The things a girl has to do to escape the rigors of the catwalk.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse isn't bad enough to be funny. The scariest thing about it may be that the trailer was downloaded 8.5 million times last fall.

Jovovich returns as Alice, the security specialist trapped in a bioweapons experiment gone horribly wrong in Resident Evil. She's been kept on ice by her employer. She's revived because the residents of "The Hive" have escaped and devoured Raccoon City. The dead aren't staying dead.

A few live folks are trapped in town, including the hottie cop (Guillory), the company mercenary (Oded Fehr) and a "colorful" pimp (Mike Epps).

Then there's Alice. Cold-eyed, trigger-happy Alice.

The gang has a mission - rescue the daughter of the scientist who devised this epidemic. They face flesh-eating zombies and supermonsters and one creature dressed in a leather kilt.

Thomas Kretschmann plays the heartless head of the Umbrella Corp. Fehr wears a lot of armor and shoots a lot of guns and tries not to look bored.

Director Alexander Witt is all about gore and gunfire. But even the Living Dead films devolved into parodies of themselves. You shouldn't make one of these without a sense of humor. Nobody here had one.

The Orlando Sentinel is a Tribune Publishing newspaper.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Starring Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Mike Epps

Directed by Alexander Witt

Rated R (violence, language, some nudity)

Released by Screen Gems

Time 95 minutes


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