Seven things George Carlin can say, on television or anywhere else

Scene: clubs, bars, nightlife

April 24, 2003

Carlin's not a one-dimensional guy, so in honor of his landmark 1978 Supreme Court case -- in which justices ruled, 5-4, that the Federal Communications Commission could ban seven words from television and radio during hours when children might hear them -- here are seven Carlin observations that have nothing to do with war:

Civilization began its downhill path the day some guy first uttered the words, "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

Guys don't seem to be called Lefty anymore.

Think of how entertaining it would be if all the people on TV still had their original teeth.

You know what's a fun thing to do? Go through your address book every few years and cross out dead people.

Swimming isn't a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's common sense.

When I was a kid I can remember saying, "Cross your heart and hope to die." I'd like to confess now that I never really meant the second part.

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

George Carlin will perform two shows at the Lyric Opera House Saturday at 7 p.m. and 9:30 p.m. (The 7 p.m. show is sold out.) Tickets are $45. Information: 410-685-5086.

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