Of mice and pot

Observations

April 14, 2002|By Rob Hiaasen | By Rob Hiaasen,Sun Staff

Item: Mice apparently have nibbled their way through about 120 bags of marijuana stored in the evidence control vault at Baltimore's police headquarters, department officials confirmed.

-- The Sun, April 9, 2002

"Dude, this evidence control vault is awesome."

"Have you ever really ever looked at the holes in cheese?"

"I got a monster case of the munchies."

"I am the walrus."

"Why 'mice'? Why not 'mouses'?"

"Hey, put on the Allman Brothers."

"Ever wondered if the Allman Brothers had sisters?"

"The holes in cheese look back at you. I swear."

"Why does the press always say we 'nibble' our food?"

"I like the word 'nibble.' It's a funny word. Say it."

"Nibble."

"Nibble."

(The two mice laugh uncontrollably for 13 minutes, then resume their conversation.)

"I feel fat."

"You're not fat. You are a really, really handsome mouse."

"I love you."

"I love you, man."

"I gotta question."

"What?"

"I gotta question."

"What?"

"A question is what I have, thank you very much."

"What?"

"Do you ever try to make letters of the alphabet with your tail?"

(The two mice laugh uncontrollably for eight minutes, then resume.)

"Well?"

"What?"

"Do you?"

"I made a capital B with my tail once."

"That is so cool, man. I love that, I swear I love that."

"Let's look in the mirror at our faces."

"OK."

(Neither mouse moves.)

"That was so cool."

"Hey, you ever make a Z with your tail?"

"All the time, buddy."

"I love you for that."

"120 bags!"

"I know. It's a beautiful thing, beautiful. Think we should hide some?"

"Definitely, dude."

"Nibble."

"Nibble."

(Both mice collapse into a deep and satisfying sleep, as the Allman Brothers play on.)

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