You can skip this column. I'm sure you have more important things to do. You don't need to waste your valuable time reading about how MILLIONS OF PEOPLE, POSSIBLY INCLUDING YOU, RECENTLY WERE ALMOST KILLED BY A GIANT SPACE ROCK AND THERE ARE MORE COMING AND NOBODY IS DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
Excuse me for going into CAPS LOCK mode, but I am a little upset here. In case you didn't hear about it, which you probably didn't: On Jan. 7, an asteroid 1,000 feet across -- nearly three times the current diameter of Marlon Brando -- barely missed the Earth, which is most likely your planet of residence.
What do I mean by "barely"? I mean that this asteroid, traveling at 68,000 miles per hour, came within 400,000 miles. In astronomical terms, that is nothing. To get an idea how close this thing came, imagine that your head is the Earth. Now hold your right hand, representing the sun, at arm's length. Now take your left forefinger, representing the asteroid, and move it toward the Earth at 68,000 miles per hour until your pinkie is up to the knuckle in your left nostril. Now try to type a sentence. That is what I mean by "barely."
What if this asteroid had hit the Earth? According to British asteroid expert Benny Peiser, as quoted in the National Post of Canada, "Such an object could literally wipe out a medium-sized country." So if you live in a large country, you have nothing to worry about!
No, really, if this thing had hit anywhere on Earth, it would have been seriously tragic. And don't think you're safe just because this one missed. There are plenty more asteroids and asterettes (which are your female asteroids) whizzing through space, and eventually one will hit us. Some already have. Astronomers believe that 65 million years ago, a large asteroid struck Earth and wiped out the dinosaurs; in 1985, a smaller one obliterated the career of Henry "The Fonz" Winkler. It is only a matter of time before disaster strikes again.
I'm sure this information raises some troubling questions in your mind, the main one being: There's a British asteroid expert named "Benny?" But also you're wondering: What is the astronomy community doing about this?
Good question. As it happens, the American Astronomical Society was holding a conference in Washington at the very same time as the asteroid nearly hit the Earth. I know this because The New York Times covered the heck out of the conference. Here's the scary part: The Times did not print one word about the asteroid. Instead, as this thing whizzed past, The Times printed the following exciting astronomy news:
