Let it be

he can work it out

February 05, 2002|By Rob Hiaasen

TO: Terry Bradshaw, Fox Sports.

FROM: Just a loser guy who will never have the chance to sing with a Beatle.

The Super Bowl seems like a dream to me now. Did the Patriots' Adam Vinatieri really kick a 48-yard field goal to beat the unbeatable Rams? Why did I wake up yesterday morning craving a Pepsi? (I hate Pepsi.) And did I really hear you, Terry Bradshaw, sing the opening verse of "A Hard Day's Night" with Sir Paul McCartney?

I wasn't dreaming. I saw you touch McCartney's knighted shoulder. I heard you sing:

It's been a hard day's night

And I've been working like a dog.

It's been a hard day's night

I should be sleeping like a log.

I could swear, Terry, that instead of singing, "I've been working like a dog," you sang, "I've been working like a log." I know this falls under the trite category, "WHO CARES IF I SANG `LOG' WHEN I MEANT `DOG.' I WAS SINGING WITH PAUL-FREAKING-MCCARTNEY!"

But I'm not writing to bust your chops. You picked a good, simple Beatles song. "A Hard Day's Night" was written during the Beatles' early lovey-dovey period and before the psychedelic musings in "Magical Mystery Tour." Terry, imagine luring McCartney into a duet of "I Am the Walrus":

I am he as you are he as you are we and we are all together ... (All together now!) ... Yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog's eye.

Smart move, Terry, to stay away from the Lennon-inspired tunes, such "Across the Universe": Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup, they slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe ... jai guru deva -- om ... The Super Bowl broadcast would have ground to a stop if you and Sir Paul had sung from the Beatles' near-unlistenable "White Album." Imagine you two football dudes singing this ditty: "Number 9, Number 9, Number 9, Number 9, Number 9..."

Terry, I do hope next year that you will get a chance to interview Mick Jagger at half-time. I can almost hear you and Mick singing another rock classic: "I met a gin-soaked barroom queen in Memphis ..."

A hard day's night indeed.

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