1.02.02: An update

Commentary: The signs are everywhere: The holidays really are over.

January 02, 2002|By Rob Hiaasen

Shake it off - we know the morning after is always a little rough. But it's time to return gifts, return to work, return to school backpacks, and return to whose-turn-is-it to call about the leak in the second bathroom?

The holidays are finished, my friend. The signs are everywhere:

You have passed the stage of feeling fat and are now just fat. And, oddly enough, it feels OK.

The Christmas tree has turned from a sprightly, timberline green to the hue of whole wheat bread.

One package remains under the tree, but you don't have the strength to open it. It's probably from your aunt in Wisconsin who works like a dog all year at the Wal-Mart and can't afford really nice presents. You don't care at this point.

Every household bill is due tomorrow.

The Labradors have taken down the stockings that were hung with care. The festive Hershey Kisses and shrink-wrapped candy canes are now traveling merrily through twin digestive tracts. The dogs complain about feeling fat.

Holiday music must be terminated with extreme prejudice. Once again you long for the soothing, sentimental sounds of Kid Rock.

For the next 11 months, you honestly believe that sap George Bailey didn't deserve a wonderful life.

Despite fantastical feats of scheduling, you find yourself back at work while your neighbors are still skiing in Colorado. Your own bosses are skiing with them. Friends, old teachers and old girlfriends are there, too. And they are all talking about you.

Every household bill was, in fact, due yesterday.

You face the fact Elvis will probably throw interceptions in the new year, too.

Your daughter's basketball season resumes and with it, renewed hope the team will break with tradition and "score."

You do a little math and realize the next holiday isn't until some time like 2005 - but by then, everyone you know should be back from skiing.-

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