Using all charm to win Olympic bid

October 27, 2001|By SUN STAFF

What's that? You didn't realize your hometown was in the running to be an Olympic site? Of course you didn't. Because almost anytime anybody other than your hometown paper mentions it, it's always the "Washington" bid for the Olympics. Or the "Washington region." As Jan Brady might pout: "Washington, Washington, Washington!"

But enough whining. We may be the silent partner in this bid now, but we've got another year to help sell the U.S. Olympic Committee on holding the 2012 Summer Games here. Anyway, we're above griping about D.C. right now. They've got their hands full, what with trying to save the nation and find Osama bin Laden's bunker (not to mention Dick Cheney's).

Instead, we'll take a few shots at the next Olympic host site: Salt Lake City. What, besides a few mountains and a few million Mormons, has that place possibly got that we haven't? Judge for yourself (high and low scores are thrown out):

Leading politicians

Salt Lake City: Guitar-playing, hiker-biker Mayor Ross C. "Rocky" Anderson

Baltimore: Guitar-playing, anti-terrorist commando Mayor Martin "Muscles" O'Malley

Quaint local vernacular

Salt Lake City: "Oh, my holy heck!"

Baltimore: "Heow are ya, hon?"

Troubled waters

Salt Lake City: "Aromatic" Great Salt Lake

Baltimore: Less than peak Chesapeake Bay

Inexplicable cuisine

Salt Lake City: Fries with gloppy pink "fry sauce"

Baltimore: Crabs crusted with sinus-clearing Old Bay

Musical pride

Salt Lake City: Mormon Tabernacle Choir

Baltimore: Sisqo's "Thong Song"

Royal families

Salt Lake City: The Osmonds (pictured)

Baltimore: The Ripkens

Libation of choice

Salt Lake City: Nonalcoholic Jell-O shooters

Baltimore: What could replace Natty Boh?

World-Famous Cultural Attraction

Salt Lake City: Mormon Temple (did we mention that already?)

Baltimore: Homicide faux police headquarters

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