June 05, 2001|By Phil Perrier
LOS ANGELES -- The press initially honored President Bush's request to lay off his twin daughters, Jenna and Barbara. But Jenna Bush had other ideas. Most recently she tried to buy drinks at a Tex-Mex restaurant in Austin, Texas, using a fake ID.
Fake IDs tend not to work when you're the most recognizable 19-year-old in America other than Britney Spears. Jenna Bush is either none too bright or, more likely, she is having a little rebellious phase.
Let's face it: Dubya probably did not pay his kids much attention over the past couple of years, what with the campaign. Jenna may be trying to get his attention.
For a girl in Jenna Bush's position, getting alcohol should be relatively easy; friends or creepy older guys who hang around the 7-11 could buy her beer. So why push her luck in public?
The area in Austin where the First Twin tried to buy the booze is notoriously tough on underage drinking. In the future, Jenna may want to try places a little more teen-drunk-friendly. One time-honored trick is to exploit the cultural naivete of foreigners who are not accustomed to American laws.
My first drink, for example, was at 14 when the immigrant owner of a local pizza parlor suggested after I ordered a slice, "Would you like a beer with that?"
"Uh, yeah," I said.
Before long, my entire 9th-grade class was getting hammered at the pizza parlor every weekend.
It seems a bit unfair that college freshmen all over America are drinking themselves stupid and getting away with it yet Jenna Bush faces tougher supervision than Robert Downey Jr.
Most people go crazy in college. There's nothing more pathetic than someone who held back in college, then acts like a juvenile in middle age. The name Bill Clinton comes to mind.
Jenna's thirst for frolic puts her father in an awkward position. He had a DWI of his own at age 30 and can't even remember his college years.
The president should take this as a wake-up call and start spending a little more time with the girl. And Jenna may want to consider dating a guy who drives a beer truck.
Phil Perrier is a stand-up comic and free-lance writer who lives in Los Angeles.