The list of immortal bad hairdos

August 30, 1999|By Los Angeles Times

It has been said that those who cannot remember history's bad hairstyles are condemned to repeat them. Or so claims the Internet magazine Charged.com (www.charged.com) in a humorous article on the top hairdos of all time.

Leading the pack is "the emperor of all haircuts," the Julius Caesar, which scores points for practicality ("Your mom can give it to you using a salad bowl and a Flowbee") as well as versatility ("It looks just as sassy at the Roman orgy in December as it does at the execution on the Ides of March").

But the main selling point is longevity. Current practitioner: actor George Clooney.

The rest of Charged.com's list is heavily weighted toward the 20th century. It includes:

The Princess Leia, featuring dueling cinnamon-roll-style buns.

Dreadlocks. Introduced by cave men, "the world's first hairstyle" has been making a comeback since the advent of Rastafarianism and reggae.

The Baldy. Recent practitioners of the Zen look include Yul Brynner, Kojak, Uncle Fester and Sinead O'Connor. The anti-hair motif also raises questions: Does a hairstyle require hair? Does the cost of razors offset the savings on styling products?"

The Television Celebrity. Examples include the Jennifer Aniston, the Dorothy Hamill and the Farrah Fawcett.

The Rapunzel. "In recent times, the only famous person to dare this hard-to-maintain style is country singer Crystal Gayle," who is forced to spend vast sums on a team of round-the-clock stylists, 50-gallon drums of shampoo and "portable generators for her arsenal of blow dryers."

The Mullet Head, also known as Hockey Hair. Short on the top and long in the back, as pioneered by Pat Benatar and Kevin Bacon.

The Mohawk. The "peacock of hairstyles" also serves a practical purpose: "Keepers of the mohawk must stand facing into the wind to avoid blow-over, which makes them the perfect weather vane."

The Tail, whose origins date back to the 1980s. Fortunately, "most sporters of this superfluous lock have been weeded out by natural selection."

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