A `Jerry Springer' for C-SPAN's viewers

July 26, 1999|By Rob Morse

SAN FRANCISCO -- Jerry Springer for Senate? Why not? Ohio elected a senator who was farther out in space than Springer.

Think how C-SPAN's ratings would soar.

Think how entertaining impeachment trials could be, especially if senators could be given lighter chairs, ones they could throw.

Think how enlightened the Senate could become on issues such as male lesbians, cross-dressing nudists and bosses who cheat on their wives with young employees while conducting foreign affairs on the phone.

Oh, that's right. We already did that show.

Tired of the drone about tax cuts and trade agreements? Let's elect the entire collection of TV's professional talkers, uplifters and smut-rakers to the Senate.

Maybe we need public officials who understand the true desires of the American masses.

Vote the all-talk-show-host ticket. There's no carpetbagger issue. These days things are in one bad state.

Rob Morse is a columnist for the San Francisco Examiner.

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