Women we love to hate: The list goes on

July 18, 1999|By Susan Reimer

DID YOU HEAR? Anna Quindlen, the former New York Times columnist and Pulitzer Prize winner, has come out of retirement, where she wrote books that were made into movies while car-pooling her kids around, and she will write a twice-monthly column for Newsweek magazine.

And I hate her.

I am not proud of this. But I know you understand how I feel.

She is everything you and I are not. Youthful (looking), talented, successful and a mother of three teen-agers who still manages to look put together by 8 a.m. on her day off.

(I don't know that this last bit is true, but it would be so like her.)

Anna Quindlen is at the top of the list of women I love to hate, but it is a very long list.

There are so many women whom we women hate to the black core of our jealous hearts.

Martha Stewart. Everyone hates Martha Stewart. It is easy to hate the woman who built an empire on the shortcomings of the rest of us.

Camilla Parker Bowles. Women despise that home wrecker. She and Charles deserve each other, but we can't stand to see her around Diana's boys.

Kathie Lee Gifford, that brassy self-promoter and her phony mommy-ness, is easy to hate, too. And Pamela Anderson Lee. Tell me she isn't going to marry that stupid brute again.

We hate lots of women. And we always have a good reason.

Joyce Maynard -- honey, your life does not bear this much inspection. Elizabeth Dole -- your husband is talking about ED on television? This is OK with you?

Ivana Trump, too '80s. Ellen DeGeneres, too gay. Gwyneth Paltrow, too thin, too blond, too much pink. And it would be OK with us if Cher never sang another note.

I could go on.

Women hate not only individual women for their strengths, weaknesses or personal style. Women hate entire groups, sub-groups and protected classes of women.

We hate women who get out of bed looking good, women who can eat whatever they want, women with flat stomachs after more than one child, and women with baby-doll voices, like Melanie Griffith, Katie Couric and Sarah Jessica Parker.

We hate women who change their behavior around men, women who talk on cell phones in the ladies room, and beautiful young women who marry old, fat, bald, rich men and can't understand why we don't believe they are in love.

We hate women whose children have manners and the models in the Victoria's Secret catalog. (Don't you just hate them? I do.)

We hate that grasping coat-hanger of a woman, Jerry Hall, and her righteous indignation over her husband's love-child. What did she expect? She married Mick Jagger.

We hate Camille Paglia. If it weren't for feminism, she'd be waiting tables.

We hate Arianna Huffington and her compassionate conservatism. (We really hate her. In this country, you don't get to marry money and then spend it on a political incarnation for yourself. You only get to marry money and then spend it on a wardrobe for yourself.)

And finally, we hate Elizabeth Hurley.

She is one of the most beautiful women in the world and her boyfriend is caught paying someone else for sex. She sticks with this stuttering, floppy-haired fop, making the plain-featured, unremarkable women of the world think that is the correct response to cash-based infidelity.

Don't you just hate her? So do I.

Pub Date: 07/18/99

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