Of all the theme restaurants that have opened in the area, surely the most spectacular is the new Rainforest Cafe in Towson Town Center. A large chunk of the mall's second level has been transformed into a jungle, with vegetation that almost grows while you watch; live fish and trained parrots; animated gorillas, alligators and butterflies; shooting stars and rainbows; waterfalls and threatening weather every 15 minutes or so.
On my first foray into the Rainforest Cafe, our waiter introduced himself as "your survival guide." OK, what he really said was "your safari guide," but it was noisy. It got me to thinking, though. That's exactly what you need there: a survival guide. And I'm prepared to volunteer my services.
Here are nine things to keep in mind for a good time:
1) Your table is ready, madam. Not many trendy new chain restaurants accept reservations. The Rainforest Cafe does. Take advantage of it.
2) If you can't stand the thunderstorm, get out of the jungle. What you must be prepared for above all is the noise. Just before the thunder, for instance, the animated gorillas start chittering and growling and howling in alarm. This is terrifying to small children and would make it difficult to conclude a business deal. Rock music plays and elephants trumpet. On the positive side, no one will complain if your 2-year-old throws a tantrum because he can't have a second dessert. No one will be able to hear him.
3) Read the fine print. The motto is "A Wild Place to Shop and Eat." Now if you were a restaurant owner, wouldn't you put the word "eat" before "shop"? At least they let you know right up front where the priorities are. You have no reason to be appalled at the staggering amount of jungle-related merchandise strategically placed in front of the dining-room entrance. Tell your kid before you leave home that you're going for dinner, not to buy stuffed elephants.
4) This ain't Margaritaville, hon. Don't order the house drink, the margarilla. It tastes and looks artificially orange, is very sweet and has sugar around the rim instead of salt. But don't make the mistake of ordering a traditional margarita instead. I've had worse, but not often.
