King'd blast scattershot at scandal coverage

September 10, 1998|By Kevin Cowherd

If Larry King covered the Clinton scandal in his USA Today column:

HEY, CAN somebody puhleeze explain the impeachment process to me? The only guy I know guilty of "high crimes and misdemeanors" is my last agent ...

For the best corned beef in New York, try Manny's on 65th St. ...So Ken Starr's report about Clinton's shenanigans finally reached Congress. Hope the Honorables don't keep the prez twisting in the wind like a certain maitre d' at the Bombay Club did to Yours Truly Tuesday night... When I was a kid, we had a Lewinsky on my mom's side of the family. Pretty, dark-haired gal, too. Worked for a Woolworth's, I think. Or a flooring company ...

Boy, Joe Lieberman (D-Conn.) was sure wound up the other day on the Senate floor! Did he go after the prez, or what?! Hey, Joe, what happened? You wake up on the wrong side of the bed? ...

I'm old enough to remember when the only stains you got on your clothes came from the mustard on your ballpark franks ...

Here's real obstruction of justice for you: "Titanic" wins Best Picture over "As Good As It Gets." Jack Nicholson's so brilliant in that one, he'll make you cry ...

The White House wanted to see Starr's report on the prez sex scandal early, so they could unleash their legal Rottweilers. But methinks the Konica copier in the independent counsel's office would have suffered a mysterious breakdown in the next couple days, if you catch my drift ...

Maybe it's me, but I just don't "get" Jim Carrey. ... Starr has already turned down Clinton's request for an advance peek at the report, and now the prez is said to be singing the blues, lamenting all the recent upheaval in his life. With all due respect, Mr. President: Try being married eight times ...

I hear the prez is burning up the phone lines panhandling for Democratic support as the calls for his scalp get louder. There are guys at intersections with "Will Work for Food" signs with more pride ... OK, I confess: all these years and I'm still ga-ga over Sophia Loren ... It sounds like there was more action in the Oval Office than in a Holiday Inn lounge on a Friday night ...

You read it here first: After she leaves the White House, Hillary Rodham Clinton will approach Orioles owner Peter Angelos about managing the team. Hillary's hurting emotionally; a season in the dugout running a pennant-contender with a payroll of $60 million would be chicken soup for the soul ...

If you go to the Daily Grill on M St. in Washington, try the meatloaf ... My sources tell me the first lady took a number of martial arts courses at Yale during grad school. Hey, I'd probably commit perjury myself if I knew my old lady was breaking boards at home while I'm being grilled by a grand jury room about (gulp!) infidelities ...

You want va-va-voom, check out the assistant counsel on the House Judiciary Committee ... My vote for the greatest car of all time? The '65 Mustang ...

Speaking of the prez's critics, I haven't seen mega-talented columnist George Will this riled up since they were threatening to take out his prostate ...

The first lady only found out about Monica when the prez was about to address the nation? You believe that one, I got 200 acres of prime farmland in the Mojave Desert to sell you, my friend ...

King's top five movies of all time: "Citizen Kane," "The Godfather," "Some Like it Hot," "On the Waterfront" and "Patton." Shoot me, I also loved "The Ten Commandments" ...

I had dinner with Paula Jones and her husband Steve the night she unveiled her new, surgically altered schnozz. In fact, when she took off her bandages at our table, little bits of adhesive tape kept falling into our clams casino. We ate it anyway ... Look, I don't waste food -- too many horror stories of the Great Depression rattling around in this columnist's cranium ...

You could do worse than take a thermos of gin and tonic and sit in front of the Lincoln Memorial at 2 in the morning. Ditto, a paddle boat ride in Central Park at dusk ... Don't get me wrong: Mark McGwire's terrific under pressure. But how 'bout the prez going on national TV to confess his dalliances with Monica, then giving the order to blast terrorist facilities in Sudan and Afghanistan? Not since Paul Newman in "Cool Hand Luke" have we seen anyone that smooth! ...

If I open the cupboard and there's nothing there but a can of sardines and a jar of black olives, I go with the sardines every time ...

Pub Date: 9/10/98

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