C. Miles resorts to childish challenge

July 29, 1998|By GREGORY KANE

C. MILES, the bilious buffoon of WOLB talk radio, promised last week he would do no more shows with a certain columnist as the topic.

He was lying through his teeth, of course, since he's already broken that vow. I can't make a similar promise to readers of this column. Frankly, Miles is a columnist's dream. Sometimes mildly buffoonish, often malevolently so, Miles is simply too tempting a target. His ever-expanding ego constantly needs deflating. Members of his "Talk How You Like Underground Posse" -- which should be renamed the "Do Anything C. Miles Tells You Under a Rock Herd" -- need to know when their Fuhrer is misinforming them.

But this will be my last Miles column for a while. I have to get on to people and topics more important than both of us. But I thought readers might be amused to know about Miles' show last Wednesday, when he registered triple digits on the Richter scale of buffoonery.

After launching into his now familiar anti-Kane tirade, the Buffoon managed to get my pager number, which Radio One producers Georgianna Bodwin and Tara Thomas had for their purposes, not Miles'. That didn't deter the Buffoon. He called the number and left a sophomoric message. Then, not content to be a buffoon alone, Miles endeavored to lead his Herd into mass buffoonery.

"Let's call his pager number and make it blow up," Miles exhorted listeners.

The Buffoon so ordered, and the horde of mindless dolts in the Herd obeyed. Had the Buffoon proclaimed they should all go down to the Inner Harbor, climb to the top of the World Trade Center and jump off ass-backward, paramedics would still be scraping bodies from the promenade.

Soon my pager went off, repeatedly. It took me only a few minutes to discern what was going on. I suspected that Miles was on the air showing his childishness and that, regrettably, some of his listeners were showing theirs.

How stupid is Miles? He actually thought this bothered me. But it was just a matter of calling my pager company, deactivating the old number and getting a new one. I was back in business within five minutes. How stupid are the cretins who called me? Let's just say it would not surprise me to learn they had flunked homeroom.

Some callers were pleasant, some downright nasty. A woman left a message on my Sun voice-mail, assuring me that I was an Uncle Tom and that Miles was "gonna kick your ass" in a boxing match the Buffoon had set up for us at the Johns Hopkins University on Aug. 9.

Uh, honey sugar, honey pie, honey lamb, Miles has already had a chance to "kick my ass." He could have done it when we met in Washington's Union Station one afternoon. But that was a different Miles, one quite unlike the Miles who has his Herd backing him up.

"C. Miles, how are you?" I greeted him. He didn't respond by repeating his challenge for a fight. Nor did he call me some of the names he has called me when he is safely ensconced behind his microphone: sellout, traitor, Uncle Tom, fag.

Instead, he mumbled a response and then went quietly about his business. That's a fact Miles didn't tell his Herd. Once again, he's played them for saps. Once again, they've let him.

After Miles' show I had several people call and ask me in all seriousness if I would box him Aug. 9. For the record, my response is no, for several reasons.

I don't fight little boys. Miles' pathetic, puerile, pager stunt establishes him forever as the poster boy for arrested emotional development.

I don't fight mental defectives.

Fighting on Aug. 9, the anniversary of the shooting death of James Quarles in Lexington Market, would turn a tragedy into a travesty.

It would settle nothing. He thinks I'm an Uncle Tom and a sellout. I think he's a boil on the collective rump of black America that badly needs lancing. Our views wouldn't change.

It would send the message that violence is the way to settle disagreements. One of the cretins who paged me left this message:

"Are you man enough to fight C. Miles Aug. 9?"

Ah, yes. "Man enough." As if being violent proves your manhood. Isn't that why scores of black youth are being killed on our streets? Miles crowed about his participation in a prayer vigil to stop the killing and the very next day did a show promoting the mind-set that leads to killing. The man isn't simply a dangerous, strutting, bigoted fool. He's a hypocrite.

For my part, I'm using this column to tell our young men that you never have to be "man enough" to engage in violence. You have to be man enough not to.

I wonder what Miles will tell them.

Pub Date: 7/29/98

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