Let's get REAL Television

June 14, 1998|By Tamara Ikenberg

It can't be real. But it's true: MTV is about to inflict upo viewers a seventh season of its insufferable "The Real World." It starts Tuesday, this time set in Seattle.

For six seasons now, audiences have endured the craftily edited "true stories" of seven attractive, strategically stereotypical young people with various personality disorders plunked into luxurious domiciles in one cosmopolitan locale after another. Once there, they proceed to whine incessantly.

Enough! What are the spoiled brats complaining about, anyway? It's time to really give them a reason to whine. Consider these more entertaining possibilities:

The Real Third World, Tegucigalpa, Honduras

This is the true story of seven fully armed strangers picked to live in a treehouse and forced to form their own rebel militia. Find out what happens when people stop arguing over who borrowed whose body glitter without asking and start getting shot at.

The Real Disney World, Orlando, Fla.

This is the true story of Seven Dwarfs, I mean, strangers, picked to live in a theme park and act as human test dummies for really dangerous rides. Find out what happens when people stop wearing their normal clothes, start dressing like Disney mascots and risk getting brutally maimed.

The Surreal World, Bucharest, Romania

This is the true, deliciously disturbing story of three grotesque circus clowns, two tormented chickens, a mime named Klaus and a slice of rye bread picked to live in a dank, Kafka-esque cellar apartment and start an existential performance art troupe. Find out what happens when nothing happens and people start collapsing under their own collective angst.

The Rural World, Enid, Okla.

This is the true story of seven strangers picked to live on an isolated farm, birthin' piglets and providing the sole subsistence for a population that thinks MTV is Satan. Find out what happens when people stop milking "The Real World" for instant fame and start milking cows.

The Veal World, A Filthy Enclosure

This is the true story of seven tender, juicy strangers picked to live in a rancid wire cage. Find out what happens when people stop leading their vapid, annoying lives and start being prepared for slaughter.

Pub Date: 6/14/98

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