Misstating the obvious Fashion: Who says these stars looked elegant at the Oscars? Some think they looked goofy.

March 25, 1998|By Rob Hiaasen | Rob Hiaasen,SUN STAFF

Although it seemed endless, the 70th annual Academy Awards did conclude early yesterday morning.

By yesterday afternoon, people were still savoring memories of the interpretive dancing, Fay Wray's sad cameo and fashion writers who actually thought the Oscar stars haven't looked that elegant and sexy in years. Were we watching the same show?

Here are a few reviews from the real fashion experts -- the millions of slugs who watched the Oscars in jeans and T-shirts:

Helen Hunt, Best Actress:

What other fashion critics said: "Perfectly groomed with a smooth up 'do and a pale blue Gucci strapless gown, Hunt was radiant," said the Los Angeles Daily News.

What we say: "Gaunt, prom queen runner-up. What's with the hair bun? And didn't Jodie Foster already win an Oscar?"

Kim Basinger, Best Supporting Actress:

What others said: "Didn't Athens [Ga.] native Kim Basinger look dreamy in that mint-green satin gown with the cowl neck and scooped back?" asked Cox News Service.

What we say: "Basinger looked like June Cleaver on a first date."

Madonna, Oscar presenter:

What others said: "Thanks to the plunging neckline of that Gothic black gown, Madonna showed she can defy social mores but not gravity," said Cox News.

What we say: "Doing her best Kate Winslet impersonation, Madonna managed instead to resemble Rambo's girlfriend. And try smiling now and then. You weren't on the Titanic."

Geena Davis, former Oscar winner:

What others said: Nothing.

What we say: "At 6-foot-9, Davis is still growing. And something appeared to be growing on her arms."

Helena Bonham Carter, Best Actress nominee:

What others said: "Other beauties of the night were Helena Bonham Carter in a lavender gown by Debra Milner with a matching tulle stole," said the New York Daily News.

What we say: "Didn't see this Debra Milner person -- or her matching stole. But we couldn't miss Ms. Bonham Carter, who was clearly robbed of an Oscar for her performance in that movie we didn't see."

Cher, former Oscar winner:

What others said: "Cher showed up in a modest-but-unmistakable Bob Mackie beaded gown and a matching headdress," said the Daily News.

What we say: "At this time, we ask readers to join us in a moment of silence for Cher's career."

Ashley Judd, Oscar presenter:

What others said: "I don't think she knew what we thought we saw," said an Oscar watcher on the Internet.

What we say: "Wearing a modest-but-unmistakable gown from Frederick's of Hollywood, Ms. Judd walked across the stage. We don't remember the rest."

Cameron Diaz (no relation to James Cameron):

What others said: "Diaz looked heavenly and insouciantly chic in her sheer pink cardigan," said Cox.

What we say: "Cam, what the heck happened to you? And, more to the point, what does 'insouciantly' mean?"

Pub Date: 3/25/98

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