Personal ads put the fun in a SWDPJM

March 18, 1998|By LOS ANGELES TIMES

As a personal ad historian," Pittsburgh writer Allison Hoff has scoured 35,000 singles ads nationwide and compiled the best in a self-published booklet, "If You Like Pina Coladas."

Hoff says Los Angeles had the most people claiming to be good-looking, Denver was home to the most self-described "fun" Christians, and New York had ads featuring the longest abbreviations, like SWDPJMNRNSND (single white divorced professional Jewish male nonreligious nonsmoking nondrinking).

Some singles ads had rather bizarre specifications for a potential mate, such as the ability to identify 1980s tunes in three notes or a birth date of "Feb. 4, 12 or 16, especially in the year 1949 or 1953."

A few more unusual requests:

"SW male, 40, seeks life mate to help dig foxholes, make bombs, forage abandoned cities, determine which mutant plants are edible, clean and load machine guns, lay booby traps and stitch flesh. Cause Armageddon won't be any fun to face alone."

"Seeking clone of last girlfriend (as she was of the one before her) to help me re-enact lifetime of codependent behavior. SWM, 38, hair, eyes, etc."

"To the 57 men who answered my ad, I am now a lesbian."

A woman searching for a man who possesses "the qualities of Jesus and Sting combined."

Pub Date: 3/18/98

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