For me Christmas is a definingly religious holiday with deep spiritual meaning. Yet those closest to me - my two best friends, my partner of 11 years - are all declaratively agnostic. Is a lasting Christmas tradition possible on such a secular foundation? I believe so - and that the possibility stands firmly on books. For more than two decades I have spent every Christmas Eve with the same friend. Lovers, partners, even family have come and gone, but Roberta and I share Christmas Eve, regardless of who else might be in our lives or included in the celebration. It's a tradition, one I hope will continue until we are both doddering old ladies.
Christmas and tradition are joined by history. Yet despite the global efforts of Martha Stewart, for many people, Christmas raises worrisome questions about how to establish or sustain traditions - especially if one is not religious. Conflicts between observers of the undeniably religious holiday and agnostics' secular celebrations can add to the stress rather than joy of the season.
My friend Roberta is very spiritual, but not religious; she would happily excise the Christian element from Christmas altogether. I am a Roman Catholic for whom faith deepens each year, despite conflicts between my politics and the tenets of my church.
Several Christmases ago Roberta and I and our respective partners became embroiled in heated debate over dinner: Is Christmas a secular or religious holiday? The three agnostics at the table felt Christmas - the celebration of the beginning of Christianity-had become a secular holiday with a spiritual meaning beyond the birth of Christ.
How can agnostics celebrate in the midst of a religious season? Is Christmas only for Christian believers? For years, I attempted to drag everyone off to Mass with me, hoping they would enjoy the ritual if not its spiritual essence. I finally realized this only served to make me tense as they fidgeted uncomfortably once the initial carol-singing was over. I now attend Mass alone.
How then can one establish traditions that somehow embrace both the secular and the sacred so that friends can share in this most festive and splendid season?
