Road to revenge posted with Raljon signs

October 21, 1997|By Ken Rosenthal

Let's create a traffic jam.

TC Not just your run-of-the-mill, 20,000-car, paralyze-the- interstates disaster that occurs every time the Redskins play at their new stadium in Raljon.

Worse.

Let's choke the access roads.

Let's stage a grand act of civil disobedience.

Once and for all, let's take revenge.

Road trip to Raljon!

It's only 45 minutes away, hon.

Forty-five minutes, and a million miles.

The best revenge for Baltimore would be if the Ravens bring home the state championship Sunday, but why leave this in their feeble hands?

Ask them to carry the flag, and they'll drop it.

Ask them to storm Jack Kent Cooke Stadium, and they'll miss the exit.

Actually, the Redskins aren't any good, either, and probably would trade Gus Frerotte for Vinny Testaverde, even up, right now.

Gus and Vinny, loser gets thrown in the Chesapeake.

Johnny U. and Sonny Jurgensen can rest easy.

So can Earl Morrall and Billy Kilmer.

At least the Ravens aren't dumb enough to act like they're going to the Super Bowl -- coach Ted Marchibroda won't even promise they've hit rock bottom.

The Redskins, meanwhile, got so full of themselves after beating Dallas last Monday night, they couldn't even win at that noted pit, the Liberty Bowl.

They'll probably be without Terry (Hot Rod) Allen and Michael (Tyson) Westbrook on Sunday, not to mention Sean (The Holdout from Heaven) Gilbert.

Still, if Ravens fans want to retaliate against the Redskins for keeping an expansion team out of Baltimore, they should take matters into their own hands.

Grab their steering wheels. Turn their ignitions. Start their engines.

Forget the gridiron and go for gridlock.

Perhaps then Washington will understand.

The late Cooke dropped NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue a note the day before the league decided on its second expansion team in 1993, saying the Redskins planned to move to Laurel, 15 miles south of Baltimore.

The league chose Jacksonville, and the Jaguars lead the AFC Central at 5-2 after coming within one game of the Super Bowl last season.

Baltimore stole the Browns, renamed them the Ravens and on Sunday fell to 7-16 since rejoining the league.

Let's create a traffic jam.

L Let's make the Washingtonians run up their cell-phone bills.

Let's keep them sitting in their cars for the rest of President Clinton's term, or the rest of Norv Turner's, whichever should last longer.

Hey, Les Miz is in town.

We're inspired.

Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? Somewhere beyond the barricades, is there a world you long to see?

Oh, it's a crusade, all right.

The 100 years' war compressed into 60 minutes.

That is, if the game ever takes place.

The good taxpayers of Maryland chipped in $70.5 million for roads and infrastructure at the Jack, so now it's time to take back what is rightfully ours.

When Cleveland Mayor Michael White was trying to keep the Browns, he demanded, "Our team. Our colors. Our name."

Baltimore's goals are more humble.

Our roads. Our sewer pipes. Our Landover.

The Great Traffic Jam of '97 will be so suffocating, the Redskins' fans won't be able to get their quiche, or whatever it is they eat at the Jack.

Oops, there goes your friendly local columnist again, talking like a "crabcake populist."

That's what Tony Kornheiser of The Washington Post called me last week, responding to my criticism of the Washington element that pollutes Camden Yards.

I'd love to think of an equally clever comeback, but I'm not nearly as urbane as Tony, and I can't identify any type of food that defines Washington.

Is it the filet mignon at The Palm?

Or the Domino's pizza the president devours nightly at 3 a.m.?

It's hilarious, hearing Washingtonians talk about Baltimorons and reading Kornheiser make fun of me for driving an American car.

They're so sophisticated in Washington, they cheer for a team with one of the most insulting, demeaning, politically incorrect nicknames in sports.

Let's pile into our Fords and Chevys.

Let's clog the major and minor arteries.

Let's deprive Washington the way Washington deprived us.

"Goose's Bus" will lead the Baltimore convoy, followed by former Gov. William Donald Schaefer on a white horse, and Cooke's widow, Marlene, with her latest boyfriend on the hood of her Jaguar convertible.

Only one Redskin will be allowed through -- former Baltimore Stallion Shar Pourdanesh.

Gov. Parris N. Glendening?

Better rent a helicopter, buddy.

The Ravens' bus?

It will be instructed to turn around.

A noble forfeit is better than another listless defeat.

Let's create a traffic jam.

Let's party on I-95.

Let's welcome the Redskins to Maryland once and for all.

Pub Date: 10/21/97

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