BOSTON -- Bailey Marie Theresa Maggiore is going to Harvard next fall.
Not as a student: The 10-month-old girl isn't quite that precocious. Rather, a family-law commissioner in Long Beach, California, ruled that Bailey could move to the Cambridge campus with her mother, Gina Ocon, even if it meant traveling out of easy visiting range from her father, Tommaso Maggiore.
Bailey's custody case falls smack dab into the wrestling ring of post-family life. The issues it raises are so common these days that they are known generically by divorce lawyers as ''move away'' cases.
Doesn't a custodial parent, usually a mother, have the right and responsibility to pursue a separate, better, future for herself and children? Doesn't a noncustodial parent, usually a father, have the right and responsibility to maintain connections with his kids?
How do we reconcile these rights? And how on earth do we assess something as elusive as the best interests of the child?
Freshman romance
No one case is wholly typical. Gina and Tommaso, both 21, were never married. The daughter of a teen-age mother, Gina achieved her way to a full Harvard scholarship. Back home after her freshman year, she had a romance with Tommaso, the son of restaurant owners.
She became pregnant, dropped out of college and lived with Tommaso and his family. Three months after Bailey was born, the couple broke up. Mother and daughter went on welfare.
Tommaso, a waiter for the family restaurant, had steady contact with his daughter, but also a few strikes against him in any court of public opinion. He hadn't paid support. He had a couple of drinking arrests.
When Gina decided to return to Harvard, this father felt sure that she was ''trying to leave me out of the picture.'' He sued, claiming that he and his parents could care for Bailey better than Gina and her day care.
In such cases, the belief that single mothers should be free to follow their opportunities conflicts with the equally fierce belief that single fathers should remain connected to their children. Single mothers feel that it's wildly unfair to have their freedom limited by the old ties of dead marriages. Single fathers feel outraged at being turned into ''Disney dads.''
Confused results
When these angry parents turn to the courts the results are often as confused as our feelings. In California, the law now seems to favor the custodial parent's right to decide where to live. In New York, on the other hand, the courts seem to favor the noncustodial parent's right to visitation.
