What's the longest-running sitcom on TV? Would you believe "Married With Children"? It airs its 250th episode tonight on Fox.
"Happy Birthday, Elizabeth" (8 p.m.-10 p.m., WMAR, Channel 2) -- The Weirdest Dude in the Free World (you know, the guy with one glove) joins a bunch of other big names in saluting Elizabeth Taylor for her 65th birthday, all in the name of contributing lots of money to AIDS research. ABC.
"Lance Burton, Master Magician: The Encounter" (8 p.m.-9 p.m., WBAL, Channel 11) -- All sorts of hocus-pocus is promised, including a disappearing spaceship and Burton's escape from a crystal casket. NBC.
"In the House" (8 p.m.-8: 30 p.m., WNUV, Channel 54) -- Chicken-hearted Marion (LL Cool J) can't get himself to tell Amber (Mari Morrow) exactly how he feels. If he doesn't tell her soon, he could end up married to her and living in Tokyo, which probably wouldn't do much for the show. UPN.
"Ink" (8: 30 p.m.-9 p.m., WJZ, Channel 13) -- Mike's obituary is printed in the paper. Unfortunately, he's not dead yet. CBS.
"Dying to Belong" (9 p.m.-11 p.m., WBAL, Channel 11) -- Another reminder that hazing is a bad thing: Jenna von Oy and Hilary Swank play sorority pledges for whom the hazing ritual turns deadly. NBC.
"Murphy Brown" (9 p.m.-9: 30 p.m., WJZ, Channel 13) -- Walter Cronkite plays himself (role enough for any actor!) as he meets Corky at a party and tells her what he really thinks of the "FYI" crew. Murphy, of course, won't rest until she finds out what was said. CBS.
"Married With Children" (9 p.m.-9: 30 p.m., WBFF, Channel 45) -- Al and Peg, separating? Say it ain't so! Whatever will happen to the kids? Fox.
"Cybill" (9: 30 p.m.-10 p.m., WJZ, Channel 13) -- Maryann has a deep, dark secret, the one that forces her to tell Cybill to leave her alone one afternoon. CBS.
"Late Show With David Letterman Video Special 3" (10 p.m.-11 p.m., WJZ, Channel 13) -- Dave celebrates 15 years on late-night TV with a smorgasbord of clips (phooey on NBC for not sharing ones from his "Late Night" days), stupid human and pet tricks, and some of the best of the past year's remote segments (hope they show the one with Siskel and Ebert going house-to-house). CBS.
"Dinner With Oprah" (8 p.m.-9 p.m., Lifetime) -- The woman is everywhere. Tonight, Winfrey invites us into her home for dinner with author Toni Morrison (whose "Song of Solomon" was the second selection of the phenomenally successful "Oprah's Book Club") and four studio guests of "The Oprah Winfrey Show."
"Savannah" (8 p.m.-10 p.m., WGN and WBDC, Channel 50) -- Those of you lucky enough to pick up one of the WB affiliates won't want to miss this, as all of the show's lissome lasses walk down the wedding aisle. WB.