It's good world peace doesn't rely on Regis & Kathie Lee

February 06, 1997|By Kevin Cowherd

One day on "Live with Regis and Kathie Lee":

Regis: "Coming up, Fabio is here with his new pinup calendar and so is the incomparable Susan Lucci of 'All My Children.' But right now ... you've seen these guys all over the news lately with the, um, situation in the Middle East, that whole business. Please welcome Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat!"

(Applause.)

Regis: "I'm telling ya, you guys look great!"

Kathie Lee (squeezing Arafat's cheeks): "Look at the tan on this man!"

Regis: "So what's going on with you two?"

Netanyahu: "As you know, many serious differences remain between Israel and -- "

Kathie Lee: "I have to stop you right there. Is that a new tie? Because that is just gorgeous! What color is that? Is that a soft cranberry? I have to get one of those for Frank."

Arafat: "What the prime minister means is that the peace talks continue. But the Palestinian people are concerned about the increasing number of Jewish settlements in the so-called West Bank and Golan Heights, as well as -- "

Kathie Lee: "OK, hold it right there! I know this is gonna sound stupid. But ... where exactly is the West Bank? You hear so much about it these days. I'm wondering if Frank ever did a 'Monday Night Football' game there."

Regis: "Gelman, do we have a map of the Middle East? We don't?! A big-deal syndicated talk show like us? Seen in 250 markets or whatever? And we can't spend a lousy 10 bucks on a Rand-McNally atlas?"

Kathie Lee: "Tell me about it. You should see the wallpaper in my dressing room, Reeg."

Arafat: "Yes, well ... there is also the matter of political prisoners. According to the Hebron peace agreement, Israel must -- "

Regis: "Excuse me, Yasser. No, Gelman, the West Bank is not in New Jersey, thank you very much. You see? This is the kind of help we get around here, ladies and gentlemen!"

(Laughter.)

Netanyahu: "Our position is this: Israel continues to meet its obligations under the Oslo accord. My country has always adhered to -- "

Kathie Lee: "Oslo?! Did you say Oslo? Carnival has a cruise going to Oslo this summer, Reeg. Or maybe it's Antigua. Frank and I are going. I'll be performing every night, some Cole Porter tunes, that sort of thing. You and Joy ought to come with us, Reeg! You never come with us!"

Netanyahu: "Please! I was led to believe Chairman Arafat and I were here to discuss -- "

Regis: "Benny, you ever play football? Big, strong guy like you? You could be a tight end, maybe a linebacker. Whoa, feel the biceps on this guy! Notre Dame could use you, pal!"

Kathie Lee: "Can I ask Yasser something? I hope this doesn't sound rude. But ... what do you call that thingie you wear around your head?"

Arafat: "It is a kaffiyeh."

Regis: "Gezundheit."

Kathie Lee: "Re-e-e-g! Please!"

Regis: "Didn't he sneeze? I could have sworn he sneezed!"

(Laughter.)

Kathie Lee: "Well, Mr. Chairman, your kaffi thing or whatever looks great! It really does! The way it folds is just wonderful. And the black and white is so vivid! Doesn't he look great?"

(Applause.)

Kathie Lee: "I should get one of those for Cody. Do they come in kids' sizes? He burns in the summer like you wouldn't believe!"

Netanyahu: "If I could just take a moment or two to -- "

Kathie Lee: "Frank burns in the summer, too, especially around the nose and forehead. His skin gets all crinkly, like wax paper or something. Then he starts to peel and for days, you see these little white pieces of dried skin all over the house. God, it's disgusting!"

Regis: "Guys, it was a pleasure. Will you come back and see us sometime?"

Netanyahu: "No. Absolutely not."

Arafat: "I'm afraid my schedule may not permit it. We begin negotiations in Geneva next week on -- "

Regis: "Let's hear it for Yasser Arafat and Benjamin Netanyahu, ladies and gentlemen! Weren't they terrific?! Up next, the magnificent Salt n' Pepa! We'll be right back!"

Pub Date: 2/06/97

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