If 'Home Alone' isn't just a movie ...

September 09, 1996|By J.D. Considine | J.D. Considine,SUN POP MUSIC CRITIC

When you saw that your new laser-disc player came with a built-in karaoke module, you chuckled, thinking, "As if I'd ever invest in a microphone and karaoke disc." But the manufacturer was one step ahead of you and included not only a microphone but a five-song karaoke sampler disc in the packaging.

So, feeling only slightly foolish, you looked around to make sure all the windows were closed, and slipped the disc in. "Just to see if the thing works," you told yourself.

But when the karaoke version of "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" came on, you couldn't help yourself. Soon, you were fiddling with the echo control, and doing your best Elvis impression.

An hour later, it dawns on you: How lonely to do you have to be to sing karaoke by yourself? Pretty darned lonely, you think, dropping the mike as if it were on fire. But it occurs to you that there are probably a lot of people who find themselves home alone these days.

So, in a strictly humanitarian spirit, here are a few warning signs that you may be spending a little too much time by yourself: You've gone from only using the good dishes when you have company to only using dishes when you have company.

You know 15 versions of solitaire but aren't sure how to play poker.

Not only do you talk to your pets, you give them time to answer.

You put your pajamas on Friday night and don't take them off again until Monday morning.

Your idea of a big night out is heading to the convenience story for doughnuts and the Enquirer.

Your favorite item on any menu is the phrase "free delivery."

Your co-workers have to remind you that "thinking out loud" is just a figure of speech.

You play charades in front of the mirror.

You're amazed at the junk they sell on home-shopping channels and could laugh at those goofy customers for hours and hours and -- hey, that's actually a nice-looking watch.

It takes you 15 minutes to notice that you're the only one in an AOL chat room.

You have a nickname for every squirrel in the neighborhood, but aren't sure what the people next door are called.

You think there's something hysterically funny about recipes that end with the words "serves six."

You actually enjoy going to the laundromat.

You've been known to call the time-of-day number and try to make conversation.

You wonder why those Mormon missionaries always seem to be looking for an excuse to cut the conversation short.

Pub Date: 9/09/96

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