That's firing up voters, Democrats

September 01, 1996|By Rob Hiaasen

LISTEN, AMERICANS need to be more politically involved, and here's how:

Only special Democrats received packets in the mail last week from the team formally known as Clinton (Bill) Gore (Al) '96 (1996). The enclosed bumper sticker and poster are mighty handsome. But the "Ten Things You Can Do To Help Re-Elect Bill Clinton and Al Gore" list is worth your non-tax-deductible campaign contribution - which entitles special Democrats to this campaign kit.

Clearly, the path toward political enlightenment and involvement starts here if, and we mean IF, Americans follow the following Clinton/Gore '96 instructions (cut it out and save yourself a non-tax-deductible contribution):

1. REACH OUT TO PEOPLE OF ALL AGES. Spread the word about the Clinton Administration's accomplishments. Everywhere you go, be a surrogate speaker. Visit schools ...

See, a good idea right under our noses! We intend to speak tomorrow in the cafeteria at Pinewood Elementary in Timonium. In the first hour, we will discuss the Student Loan Reform Act, the National Service Act and Schools-to-Work Opportunities Act. All were signed into law by President Clinton, according to the "Accomplishments" list found in campaign kit.

In the second hour, we nap.

2. LISTEN: Listen to your friends and neighbors so that you know what they are most concerned about. Let us know what they are saying.

Why, of course - spying! Come to think of it, Neighbor Vince was going on about the Democrats and how he doesn't think much of Clinton but doesn't like Dole either but does like Bill Bradley, which is a moot point. Did seem that Vince got a little riled up [See Mail, 6f] after seeing that spanking new Clinton/Gore T-shirt on his neighbor.

3. WRITE PERSONAL LETTERS TO YOUR FRIENDS. Keep them informed about what's happening in the campaign.

Dear Vince,

The campaign appears to be going. Please re-consider your position as publicly stated Monday at the pool.

Sincerely,

Your neighbor.

4. GET PEOPLE TOGETHER. Organize meetings, coffees, get togethers or barbecues to share information with friends and neighbors. Be creative and fun!

All right, let's meet back at Vince's pool next Sunday. Crabs, beer, cigars, the works. Then, everyone in the hot tub to talk politics!

5. CALL RADIO AND TELEVISION TALK SHOWS. Your questions and comments can help get a positive message across.

Who's this Zoh person on WCBM? She sounds like someone who can't wait to hear all about Clinton's "accomplishments." We could at least send her a bumper sticker.

6. WRITE LETTERS TO THE EDITOR. Recruit others to do the same.

Dear Editor (a.k.a. my employer),

This might be out of line, but do consider "this administration's very successful first term," in the words of the personalized campaign letter. And, while you're at it, consider creative and fun ways to share The Sun's skybox at Oriole Park.

Warmest regards,

A special employee.

7. BUILD THE NETWORK. Ask your friends for names of friends who support the Clinton/Gore team.

Then introduce them to the latest line of Tupperware.

8. SHARE OUR TELEPHONE NUMBER AND WEB SITE ADDRESS.

Sorry, we must pass. Those Web site letters and colons and slashes and periods are too screwy.

9. REGISTER VOTERS. You will find unregistered voters even where you least expect them.

People who don't live in this country and who aren't U.S. citizens are not going to be registered voters, for the most part. For example, the Chinese are probably not registered Democrats. But start there anyway.

10. VOTE DEMOCRATIC AND THE CLINTON/GORE TICKET ON NOVEMBER 5, 1996!!!!

Count 'em, FOUR exclamation marks. If they don't get you riled up, then God save the Republic.

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