Earthlings Mars-struck

August 10, 1996|By Rob Hiaasen | Rob Hiaasen,SUN STAFF

Mars is hot. A full-scale Mars revival can now get under way because scientists have found evidence of primitive life on the fourth planet from the sun. Yesterday, earthlings began lining up to gawk at the Mars Rock displayed at the National Museum of Natural History in Washington.

Forget mooning, the Moon rock (boring!), Moon Unit Zappa and Mr. Mooney. It's Spike Lee as Mars on his Nike commercials. Watch for a comeback of the Martian Death Ray in video games. Little Green Men will be a new rock band. And Martian descriptions will be in vogue -- as in "Diana Ross looks like a Martian meter maid in a can-can revue," according to one of those Worst-Dressed lists.

The discovery is a feast for the imagination -- and food for much more. Everything Mars-ish will be un-earthed.

"Love that Cardigan Sweater"

Nick at Nite, champion re-runners of sitcoms, could resurrect "My Favorite Martian" -- the 1960s sitcom starring Ray Walston, his retractable antennae and his cardigan sweaters. "Bewitched" had nothing on this classic.

"Men Are From Mars"

Ray Bradbury's 1950 classic, "The Martian Chronicles," could be made into a movie starring Tom Cruise and Will Smith. Imagine! "Men Are From Mars; Women are From Venus" will sell another

million copies. And H. G. Wells' "War of the Worlds" will again be required skimming in high schools.

"The Return of Marvin Martian"

In the 1950s, Looney Tunes created Marvin Martian to battle astronaut Bugs Bunny. Marvin was very popular, to the dismay of a jealous Elmer Fudd, who worried himself into a serious nervous breakdown.

"Never mind the taste"

The Mars bar has historically been overshadowed by its superstar twin brothers, M & M. Named after candy manufacturer Forrest Mars, the Mars bar will finally take its place in world history. Tom Hanks will star in "Forrest Mars."

"Move over Eddie's"

Mars supermarkets will be giant.

"Speaking of Pia Zadora ..."

Comedy Central will gladly show a Pia Zadora flick called "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians." If you desire Faye Dunaway (and who doesn't), look for a revival of "The Eyes of Laura Mars."

"We Take Back What We Thought"

Bryn Mawr School's nickname, the Martians, doesn't sound so goofy after all.

"Play That Funky Mars Music"

Who can forget The Fifth Dimension's "Aquarius" and its lyrics, "... and Jupiter aligns with Mars ..." And we forget the rest.

Pub Date: 8/10/96

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