Cut the lights, lock the door, season's over

April 19, 1996|By KEN ROSENTHAL

How long can Pat Gillick stay with Davey Johnson?

How long can Peter Angelos stay with Pat Gillick?

How do you spell C-R-I-S-I-S?

This is no way to win 130 games. The ace was terrible. The defense was brutal. And the offense was stifled by -- heaven help us -- Jamie Moyer and Brad Pennington.

Two losses in five days?

SIT DOWN CAL!

Like addicts in need of a fix, let's fall off the wagon, go back to our old ways and rip up the entire stinkin' team.

It's tradition.

Memo to Phil Regan, Johnny Oates, Frank Robinson and Cal Ripken Sr.:

Whoever gets to the park first tonight, the job is yours.

Oates has the inside track, with the Orioles opening a three-game series in Texas. Walk across the field, Johnny, and back into Mr. Angelos' heart.

Wait, here's a better idea:

Bring back Earl!

Johnson?

Good guy. Great manager.

But what has he done for us lately?

The idea is to win every game.

We've got a football mentality now.

Mike Mussina vs. Moyer, the 11-2 Orioles vs. the 2-12 Red Sox -- it was the lock of the century, and still the Orioles lost, 10-7.

A 2-0 lead, and they lost.

Seventeen hits, and they lost.

Superman on the mound, and they lost.

Jimmy Haynes can relax.

He's not the only loser on this team anymore.

The Red Sox come into town, start kicking the ball around and suddenly the Orioles play "monkey see, monkey do."

Who cares if they've won all five series this season?

Did the Chicago Bulls let up?

Would Michael Jordan ever tolerate losing to the Vancouver Grizzlies?

When you're on top, you've got to guard against complacency. But already, the entire operation is going soft at Camden Yards.

Red Sox manager Kevin Kennedy met with his coaching staff until 3 a.m. after the Orioles' 12-inning victory Wednesday night.

A strategic planning session?

No, it was Albert Belle and Bat-gate all over again.

Kennedy sabotaged Mussina's locker.

Better hire round-the-clock SWAT teams at Camden Yards. Heck, it has been at least a week since the state pledged money for a stadium project.

The city is in chaos.

The team is in chaos.

Any moment now, Angelos will order Johnson to play Leo Gomez at third base. Lay-o is hitting .385 for the Chicago Cubs. Why isn't he still here?

Because of that genius Gillick, of course.

Moyer (2-1) has now accounted for 67 percent of the Red Sox's victories -- but nooooo, he wasn't good enough for this juggernaut, either.

Is it too late to reacquire Pennington?

Sid Fernandez?

Doug Jones?

Don't tell us the Red Sox were bound to snap out of it -- Mussina should be traded immediately, before his value drops.

Either that, or pitch him on three days' rest.

Something. Anything.

Now.

Bobby Bonilla is so itchy to wear a glove? Well, the Orioles are 1-1 with him in right field -- and that one victory was in extra innings.

Put him at shortstop.

Bonilla, or Bill Ripken.

ANYONE BUT CAL.

First baseman Rafael Palmeiro?

Sure, he hit his fourth home run yesterday, but he also committed a pivotal throwing error in the Red Sox's four-run third inning.

Will Clark would have made that play.

Second baseman Roberto Alomar?

Struck out to end the game.

Craig Biggio wouldn't have done that.

Indeed, the Orioles already have lost two day games at home, so they had better erase the rest of them from their schedule.

Turn on the lights, the party's over.

Take away Randy Myers' toys. Turn down the stereo. Remove the pingpong table from the clubhouse.

Johnson's critics were right: He runs too loose a ship.

See?

4 The Orioles were right about him the first time.

Bring up Rocky Coppinger. Name Jimmy Myers the closer. Make Brady Anderson shave his sideburns.

No more "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" for the seventh-inning stretch song. Switch to REM's "It's the End of the World as We Know It [and I Feel Fine]."

Ah, just pull the plug on the whole season.

The NFL draft starts tomorrow. Maybe Art Modell will select a two-sport star, and donate him to Angelos for the summer.

When do the Ravens open, anyway?

We sure could use a winner in town.

Pub Date: 4/19/96

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